Here below is some little voice mail messages to possibly use on your own cell phone! My annoying brother inspired me to make these little fuckers up! Thanks bro!
1) Hello..? I can’t answer the phone the right now….I’m either doing your wife,
daughter or girlfriend at the moment. Please try back in about 12 hours….or if you want…just fuck off!
2) Hello…? O it’s you!!!! I haven’t heard a message from you in 5 seconds….
well considering I haven’t answered the phone 5 seconds ago or had returned your call…there is a good chance I wouldn’t be this time either….
3) Hello…? Knock Knock… (Who’s there?) No ones here, no ones any where….Please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it….
4) Hello..? You have reached Twisted’s Beer Tasting Department…If you would like me to sample beer for you for quality assurance….please leave a message letting me know when your bringing a case over for me to try….thanks for your time..
5) Hello! Hello! God damn reception sucks…..It’s staticy….[click!….. click!….dial tone]…..
6) I knew it!…. I knew it!…. I knew it!… Would be you!…I’m a pyshic motherfucker!
7) O God!….You again!!!!… I thought I told you not to call and leave messages cause I hardly ever get on this phone anymore. So please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it!! ….have a nice day.
8) There is a 101 things I could be doing, but obviously answering this phone isn’t one of them. If you have any brains, you wouldn’t keep calling then right!!??
9) Hello..(sigh) Figures, everytime Im trying to wack off for a 6 or 8 hour session…someone calls to bug me…leave a message if you must! I probably won’t reply though for atleast another good 3 hours!
10) O God!… Incoming!!!…Everybody duck!!!
11) Hello! I’m sorry…all those damn messages drove me to an institute, please don’t leave a message god damn it!
12) Hello!…Hey!…It’s you!…I haven’t heard a message or talked to you in 5 minutes…you know the drill by now! Goodbye you determined to bug others…motherfuckers!
13) Hey!…You just called a second ago, come on now!!! You can’t be that desperate, deprived or in-love…I’m not gay remember…!!!!???
14) [TOLIET FLUSHING]……Ok!… now you can you leave your shit! (I am currently using this one LOL!!)
15) Buuurrrrrpppp! Awww! Much Better……I hope I didn’t get anything on you!?
18) Hello!..Hello!….O damn!……You’re breaking up!….Can’t hear you!….click!…click!….[dial tone!]
19) Hello!….If you want phone sex-press 1…If you want to make passionate love and crazy circus sex-press 2….for all other iquires press 3…
20) Hello!..It’s people like you that makes people change their numbers 400 times in a month…
21) Hello!.. You’ve reached Twisted’s Adult World!…If you need a specific toy or movie, please leave a message. If you just want my dick, I’ll get back to you faster!
22) Hello!…If you could or would donate either some…money or beer towards all those damn minutes being used up on my phone for the bullshit messages you leave, that would be great!!
23) Hello! A message every 5 fucking seconds, takes Twisted’s cell minutes he doesn’t have to start with..away…..!!
24) Hello!…If your fetish is smelling stinky..butt ugly feet, please leave a fucking message after the fucking beep!
25) Hello!…[while moaning] I’m in the middle of commiting adultery, please call back later…. like 6 hours, no wait…I’ll still be doing it then to, better make it 12 hours…
26) Hello!… I didn’t think I was that important to start with for you to call me…..hold on a second..let me write this down on the calender.
27) Hey it’s you!…It’s obvious that I didn’t want to speak to you from the start! So please don’t bother leaving any messages…it’s a waste of your time and mine!… Have a great day good asshole that I will never call back..
28) Hello!…O!!.. it’s you!….you must want something from me….that’s the only reason you call for! Well…I don’t have any money, cigarettes or beer…so I guess I’ll hear from you again my next pay day. Well..wait…I do have a cock, if you want some of that then leave a message…!!
29) I knew it!….I knew it!!…..I knew it!!!…..Would be you!…You pain in the ass motherfucker!!……Just can’t leave me alone can you!!???
30) Warning!!….Warning!!…..Message Overload!!!……..System is going to self-destruct in 10 Seconds!! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!
31) I’m not even going to have to make up a smart ass voice message for people anymore, after all the damn calls, my phone is going to start speaking and fending for itself.
32) Thanks to you I had to go to the hospital for ear surgery…..!!!!
33) Hey!!!! Some people might have been born with a phone attached to their ear’s, but not me!!!!!
34) Hold on a minute!! I’m trying to burn down your house with you in it at this time….try to call back when the flames engulf you…
35) Hello!!…….O God!!!…..What do you want now for Christ’s Sakes!!!??
Like it says for number 14, I am using that one right now on my cell phone! Hahaha!…damn..I gotta change it then… I hope ya enjoyed them little fuckers! I’m done….laterz..
Twisted