I’m sure (most) everyone knows what Callwave is, right? If ya don’t, ah well… be glad ya didn’t. In brief, it’s an online answering machine for the cheap fucks like me. Ya know, someone that still uses shitty $9.95 a month Juno dialup Internet.

And also, when you only have one phone line in the house, your asshole friends, family members, and debt collectors can still leave ya that “special” message you don’t wanna hear anyway! But anyway, nothing pisses me off more than my shitty brother calling every god damn time I get online!!

The fucking asshole can’t call while I’m at work all god damn fucking day, he has to wait until he figures I’m just getting online, or I am already online!!!! I get home from shit work around 4:15pm EST, and he’ll call around 5pm when I usually get online! He can’t call any earlier, because after all… I’m not home to get online, nor am I usually online before 5pm. So naturally, the fat fuck face pain the fucking ass has to call at 5pm!

Nothing like… JUST SIGNING ONTO THE NET, and then the Callwave thing pops up! “INCOMING CALL! IT’S YOUR PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS BROTHER AGAIN!!” …. So naturally… I instantly click the X button, to close out the Callwave all together! And yell… “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

Then yell downstairs to gram, “CALL MIKE AGAIN!! HE NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN, BECAUSE HE FUCKING RETARDED!” I mean shit, the fuck nut can’t just call BEFORE I / someone else in the family gets online… He has to wait until we ARE ONLINE to call! It’s fucking bullshit!

Just like today, he called around 5:12pm… I closed out Callwave and yelled to gram to call him. She was like.. “Oh God! What now!?!?” So she called him. An hour later, I reopened Callwave… thinking it was SAFE again. Boy was I wrong! He fucking called 14 times more, up till 6:50pm from the last time he spoke with her at 5:13pm!! Again, I yelled down to gram… “CALL MIKE AGAIN!!! HE CALLED 14 TIMES SINCE YA LAST SPOKE WITH THE RETARD ABOUT HOUR AGO!”

She was like (while throwing arms and hands up in air)… “OH GOD! WHAT’S HE WANT NOW!?!?!? I JUST SPOKE WITH HIM A LITTLE BIT AGO!!!!” I told pap before, even though we NEED Callwave, I still think we should cancel it and use that money spent on Callwave payments, to block his number and his fat ugly 60 year old girlfriend’s number from calling here… He laughed.

It’s fucked up though too, it’s not just the pain in the fucking ass brother that calls WHILE I’m just getting online, or while already online… it’s anyone in general. But mostly my family members. Of course, there’s only one person that can call whenever and I won’t get mad at em for it…

Either way, like in this image preview here (click image to see full version), I wish I had the following options to choose from:

I know, I know… get something better then Juno Dialup, ya cheap bastard! My response: “Ya gonna give me the money for something better?” No? Aight then, shut the fuck up and call me, so I can close Callwave on ya! Well, for everyone except one person…