General

WHAT THE HELL DOES IT REALLY DO FOR ANYONE TO BE “PWNED”, “OWNED”.. WHATEVER THE FUCK? I THINK IT REALLY MEANS PEOPLE ARE NOT OUT OF ELEMENTRY SCHOOL YET OR SOMETHING!

I have been to tons of message boards and shit and have seen people arguing over the MOST STUPIDEST SHIT IT’S NOT FUNNY! THEN..FOR SOME REASON THE ONE PERSON HAS TO CLAIM SOMEONE AS THEIR “PROPERTY” (OR BITCH) TO! BY BEING “PWNED” BY THEM YET! WHAT THE HELL?!

I’ll prolly get alot of rants towards me for this post, BUT I DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS IN THE WIND LOL! I can understand arguing with people over sensible stuff, or important stuff, but not just bullshit! I don’t think I have ever been in an online argument persay. But, I did get lippy and shit with a few peoples over something that did really matter to me. And, I don’t remember anyone posting anything about someone being “pwned” or whatever either.

I think it’s just stupid. It doesn’t really prove anything, because if you really wanted to “own” or “pwn” someone, try going to their house or apartment and telling them that face to face. SEE HOW FAR AND LONG YOU’D “PWNED” THEM THEN LOL!! Come on peoples, time to grow up and be adults. Now like me and my posts…they are rants about certain things that happen in my life, or things that are just bothering me, I’m not trying to “OWN” or “PWN” someone in particular!

I dunno…to each his own I suppose….but..this image here always comes to mind when I see people fighting over stupid shit on a message board though:

Anyways…I’m done…laterz…

Twisted

WELP! IT’S FINALLY THE TIME FOR IT! YAY!

Here below is what I wrote up for the two weeks notice. But, this is the more mature and calm way of doing it. Which I figured I’d better do, so I have “good standing” with them, just for future purposes and such ya know? Then below that is the version I really wanted to write up, and it was hard as hell not to! LOL!

Head Person (name not enclosed for on here),

Here is my two weeks notice. I will work up until July 12th. The reason for my notice is, I was offered a job with more hours, benefits and better pay. Thank you for the opportunity of working here until I have aquired a full time job.

Mr Twisted – July, 2, 2004

Here below is the version I really wanted to write, but.. figured I’d better not lmao!

Dear Bitch Stupid-Visor,

HERE IS MY FUCKING TWO WEEKS NOTICE FINALLY! YOU CAN TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS, YOU FUCKING SLAVE DRIVING, NO RESPECT FOR ANYONE FUCKING DUMBASS BITCH!

I GOT A MUCH BETTER JOB NOW, AND I DON’T NEED THIS FUCKING CHEAP ASS, NO BENEFIT SUPPLYING CESSPOOL OF FUCKING BIPOLAR BITCH SHIT! THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING JOKE AND I’M SURE A BUNCH OF ELEMENTARY KIDS COULD RUN IT BETTER THEN YOU DUMBASSES!

NOW YOU CAN RELISH IN THE FACT THAT YOUR STUCK WITH A BUNCH OF STUPID ASS BITCHES THAT DON’T REALLY KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING! ALL YOUR LONG LASTED, MORE EXPERIENCED WORKERS ARE ALMOST ALL GONE! WELL! EXCEPT THE DUMBASS DAYSHIT PEOPLES LOL! BUT…MOST OF THEM WILL LEAVE TO I’M SURE! COUNT THE DAYS BITCHES! ONE DOWN, 4 MORE TO GO! ATLEAST ON THE NIGHT SHIFT CREW!

I WISH YOU THE BEST ON HIRING NEW (SUCKERS) PEOPLE AND HAVING THEM STAY LONGER THEN TWO WEEKS! I’M SURE THEY WON’T, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT IN DESPARATE NEED OF A SHIT JOB! THANKS FOR NOTHING FUCK-NUTS. O.. AND MY BALLS NEED WASHED SO START LICKING BITCHES! 

SINCERELY,

MR TWISTED BASTARD

There, I could make up more versions I’m sure, but…I gotta go to bed quick so I can get to work tomorrow and shove my TWO WEEKS NOTICE up their fucking asses. Laterz…

THE OLD- SHIT JOB SUCKS MASSIVE HORSE DICK AND THE NEW JOB DOESN’T!

Here below is a comparison of the two jobs. Now I just got hired for a job yesterday morning. Right below here is the good things about the shitty job I have now…then below that is what the new job has to offer!

THE WONDERFUL FUCKING SHIT JOB I HAVE NOW OFFERS THIS:

1) NO BENEFITS!

2) A BULLSHIT PAY RATE! $6.40 TO START….AFTER YOUR FIRST YEAR YOU GET A RAISE! WHOOPED- DE- FUCKING- DO- DA!

3) TONS OF STRESS FOR NO REASON AT ALL!

4) FREE COUNSELING! BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU’LL NEED IT ANYWAYS WHILE WORKING THERE IN THE CESSPOOL! BUT, EVEN THAT SHITTY FREE COUNSELING ISN’T WORTH SHIT!

5) THEY JUST DON’T OFFER ANYTHING! BECAUSE THEY CHEAP BASTARDS AND YOU ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE TO SUFFER AND JUST LIVE WITH IT! NOT! REALITY CHECK FUCKERS!

Here below is what the new job offers! AND I MUST SAY! DAMN! A HELL OF ALOT MORE THEN MY SHITTY.. SHIT.. SHIT.. JOB!

1) STARTING PAY RATE IS: $10.85 AN HOUR AND AFTER 4 MONTHS, IT AUTOMATICALLY GOES TO $11.45 AN HOUR! BESIDES THE .25 CENTS SHIFT RATE! WHICH I’LL BE DOING IN TIME, BECAUSE THEY NEED PEOPLE ON NIGHT SHIFT MORE THEN THEY NEED PEOPLE ON DAYSHIFT!

2) I’LL BE WORKING FOUR – 10 HOUR DAYS! MAYBE EVEN FIVE DAYS! WHICH IS OVER-TIME THEN. WHICH I’LL BASICALLY BE BRINGING HOME LIKE ALMOST $400.00 A WEEK, UNLIKE THE SHITTY JOB I HAVE AT THE MOMENT….BRINGING IN LIKE NOT EVEN $400.00 A FUCKING MONTH!

3) FULL BENEFIT PACKAGE AFTER 90 DAYS! WHICH INCLUDES:

A) MEDICAL, DENTAL, VISION..

B) 401 K/ PENSION RETIREMENT PACKAGE….

C) 2 WEEKS PAID VACATION AFTER ONE YEAR OF SERVICE….MAY TAKE A PORTION OF VACATION AFTER 90 DAYS

D) LIFE INSURANCE (15,000 PAID BY COMPANY-CAN SUPPLEMENT WITH BASIC AND UNIVERSAL LIFE)

G) 8 PAID 10-HOUR HOLIDAYS

H) GAIN-SHARING PROGRAM PARTICIPATION

Now, I think this is a much better paying job…let alone the benefits they offer…compared to my SHITTY ASS FUCKITY FUCK NUT JOB I HAVE NOW!

IT’S OFFICIAL FUCK-NUTS! MY TWO WEEK NOTICE IS GOING IN TOMORROW WHEN I GET TO SHIT WORK! WOOT!! WOOT!! MY LAST SHITTY DAY AT SHIT WORK WILL BE JULY 12TH! I start my new job the 13th! YAY! I can’t fucking wait! MONEY!! MONEY!! HERE IT COMES! Maybe then I can get my car all fixed the fuck up and go out picking up bitches n hoes hahaha…naa…descent ones this time! Well I hope! I’m done for now..laterz….

Twisted

HERE IS MY VERSIONS OF NEXTEL’S: DONE!1) DROP KICK THE BITCH IN THE FACE!…. DONE!

2) DRIVE INTO THE BITCH WITH A MAC TRUCK AT 100 MILES AN HOUR!….DONE!

3) SMICKITY SMACKY, THE BITCHY.. BITCH.. BITCH IN THE FACE TILL IT TURNS PURPLE! ….DONE!

4) GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES SLUT AND GIVE ME THE BEST BLOWJOB FOR 50 CENTS!…DONE!

5) SHOVE A STICK OF DYNAMITE UP A BITCHES ASS, LIGHT IT AND RUN! ……DONE!

6) FLOSS YOUR TEETH WITH MY PUBIC HAIRS! ……DONE!

7) SEW THE BITCHE’S LIPS SHUT WITH A PIANO WIRE! …..DONE!

8) DON’T SPEAK BITCH! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! ……DONE!

9) IF YOU GOT AIDS, BECAUSE YOUR A DUMBASS FROM HELL AND DIDN’T WEAR PROTECTION, JUST LIVE WITH IT AND DIE! ….DONE!

10) IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY POSTS……JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE ON LIKE THE GOOD LITTLE BASTARDS YOU ARE! ……DONE!

11) FORCE FEED THE BIPOLAR BITCHES THEIR MEDICATIONS BECAUSE THEY TOO STUPID TO TAKE IT THEMSELVES! ……DONE!

12) USE THE BITCHES AS TARGET PRACTICE FOR A 50 CAL MACHINE GUN! ….DONE!

Welp! I think that about raps up the shit for tonight! I’ll prolly think of more stuff tomorrow while being at SHIT WORK! Because that SHIT HOLE inspires me so much! I’m done…laterz….

Twisted

THAT WOULD BE FUCKING AWESOME! AND I MEAN THAT LITERALLY!

Wouldn’t it be great to just come home from work, relax a little bit and have a few beers or something…then get a nice workout on the SEXERCISING MACHINE!  I was thinking about it the other day because I know I need to get my arms back into shape, but..at the same time, I haven’t had nookie for a long time either….then the wonderful idea popped into my mind. I SHOULD INVENT THE SEXERCISING MACHINE!

YOU COULD GET A NICE WORKOUT WHILE GETTING LAID! HOW COULD YOU BEAT THAT!?

It shouldn’t be too hard to make. It could even fold up when you want it out of the way! I was thinking of various ways it could be made the other night! But, I’m not great at drawing up plans and shit. You could have various sexual positions covered with one machine! Damn! You could make millions with that! There is so much money in the sex business these days it’s not even funny!

SO WHY NOT MAKE THE BIG BUCKS BY CREATING A SEXERCISING MACHINE!? THAT SHOULD SELL LIKE HOT CAKES! FOR THE SPECIAL BONUS OFFER, WE COULD MAKE LITTLE COCK DUMBELLS! SO THE GUYS CAN WORKOUT THEIR PECKERS! JUST MOUNT IT ON TOP OF IT AND LIFT AND DROP….LIFT AND DROP! THAT’S ONE REPETITION…..THEN REPEAT!

The selling slogans or mottos would be like:

1) LOSE THAT THIRTY POUND… WHILE FUCKING UP AND DOWN! BUY THE SEXERCISING MACHINE TODAY!

2) IT’S NOT JUST A  FULL-BODY WORK-OUT! IT’S A TWO BODY WORK-OUT! BUY THE SEXERCISING MACHINE TODAY! FOR ONLY $69.69!

3) WITH THE SEXERCISING MACHINE, YOUR NOT JUST TAKING ONE LOAD OFF, BUT TWO!

4) HAVE THE ULTIMATE ORGASMIC EXPERIENCE WITH THE SEXERCISING MACHINE! WHILE WORKING OFF THEM ANNOYING POUNDS, YOUR WORKING OFF YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS! BUY THE SEXERCISING MACHINE TODAY! CALL NOW! 1-888-696-9696 <-NOT REAL LOL! I DON’T THINK ANYWAY…..IT MIGHT BE THOUGH LMAO!

5) GET TWO BODIES IN SHAPE WITH ONE MACHINE! ORDER THE SEXERCISER MACHINE TODAY!

That’s all I can think of for now…if I can come up with anymore slogan/mottos, I’ll update this post then! Just imagine that though, holy hell! It would be awesome! I’m done…laterz.

Twisted

Here below is some little voice mail messages to possibly use on your own cell phone! My annoying brother inspired me to make these little fuckers up! Thanks bro!

1) Hello..? I can’t answer the phone the right now….I’m either doing your wife,
daughter or girlfriend at the moment. Please try back in about 12 hours….or if you want…just fuck off!

2) Hello…? O it’s you!!!! I haven’t heard a message from you in 5 seconds….
well considering I haven’t answered the phone 5 seconds ago or had returned your call…there is a good chance I wouldn’t be this time either….

3) Hello…? Knock Knock… (Who’s there?) No ones here, no ones any where….Please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it….

4) Hello..? You have reached Twisted’s Beer Tasting Department…If you would like me to sample beer for you for quality assurance….please leave a message letting me know when your bringing a case over for me to try….thanks for your time..

5) Hello! Hello! God damn reception sucks…..It’s staticy….[click!….. click!….dial tone]…..

6) I knew it!…. I knew it!…. I knew it!… Would be you!…I’m a pyshic motherfucker!

7) O God!….You again!!!!… I thought I told you not to call and leave messages cause I hardly ever get on this phone anymore. So please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it!! ….have a nice day.

8) There is a 101 things I could be doing, but obviously answering this phone isn’t one of them. If you have any brains, you wouldn’t keep calling then right!!??

9) Hello..(sigh) Figures, everytime Im trying to wack off for a 6 or 8 hour session…someone calls to bug me…leave a message if you must! I probably won’t reply though for atleast another good 3 hours!

10) O God!… Incoming!!!…Everybody duck!!!

11) Hello! I’m sorry…all those damn messages drove me to an institute, please don’t leave a message god damn it!

12) Hello!…Hey!…It’s you!…I haven’t heard a message or talked to you in 5 minutes…you know the drill by now! Goodbye you determined to bug others…motherfuckers!

13) Hey!…You just called a second ago, come on now!!! You can’t be that desperate, deprived or in-love…I’m not gay remember…!!!!???

14) [TOLIET FLUSHING]……Ok!… now you can you leave your shit! (I am currently using this one LOL!!)

15) Buuurrrrrpppp! Awww! Much Better……I hope I didn’t get anything on you!?

18) Hello!..Hello!….O damn!……You’re breaking up!….Can’t hear you!….click!…click!….[dial tone!]

19) Hello!….If you want phone sex-press 1…If you want to make passionate love and crazy circus sex-press 2….for all other iquires press 3…

20) Hello!..It’s people like you that makes people change their numbers 400 times in a month…

21) Hello!.. You’ve reached Twisted’s Adult World!…If you need a specific toy or movie, please leave a message. If you just want my dick, I’ll get back to you faster!

22) Hello!…If you could or would donate either some…money or beer towards all those damn minutes being used up on my phone for the bullshit messages you leave, that would be great!!

23) Hello! A message every 5 fucking seconds, takes Twisted’s cell minutes he doesn’t have to start with..away…..!!

24) Hello!…If your fetish is smelling stinky..butt ugly feet, please leave a fucking message after the fucking beep!

25) Hello!…[while moaning] I’m in the middle of commiting adultery, please call back later…. like 6 hours, no wait…I’ll still be doing it then to, better make it 12 hours…

26) Hello!… I didn’t think I was that important to start with for you to call me…..hold on a second..let me write this down on the calender.

27) Hey it’s you!…It’s obvious that I didn’t want to speak to you from the start! So please don’t bother leaving any messages…it’s a waste of your time and mine!… Have a great day good asshole that I will never call back..

28) Hello!…O!!.. it’s you!….you must want something from me….that’s the only reason you call for! Well…I don’t have any money, cigarettes or beer…so I guess I’ll hear from you again my next pay day. Well..wait…I do have a cock, if you want some of that then leave a message…!!

29) I knew it!….I knew it!!…..I knew it!!!…..Would be you!…You pain in the ass motherfucker!!……Just can’t leave me alone can you!!???

30) Warning!!….Warning!!…..Message Overload!!!……..System is going to self-destruct in 10 Seconds!!   10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

31) I’m not even going to have to make up a smart ass voice message for people anymore, after all the damn calls, my phone is going to start speaking and fending for itself.

32) Thanks to you I had to go to the hospital for ear surgery…..!!!!

33) Hey!!!! Some people might have been born with a phone attached to their ear’s, but not me!!!!!
 

34) Hold on a minute!! I’m trying to burn down your house with you in it at this time….try to call back when the flames engulf you…

35) Hello!!…….O God!!!…..What do you want now for Christ’s Sakes!!!??

Like it says for number 14, I am using that one right now on my cell phone! Hahaha!…damn..I gotta change it then… I hope ya enjoyed them little fuckers! I’m done….laterz..

Twisted

WOULDN’T THAT FUCKING SUCK ASS!? DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IT!? I DO!

Thanks to certain TV shows and shit! Now..everytime I wanna wack-off, I try and hide! Because.. I keep thinking the ANGELS or SPIRITS are right there watching me! Sometimes I say out-loud, but.. not too loud…go away…give me some privacy god damn it!

NOW I WOULDN’T MIND IT, IF THAT SEXY ANGEL FROM “TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL” WAS WATCHING ME! BUT..THEM OTHER ONES, THAT WOULD BE A TURN-OFF!

Can you just imagine, porning on the net and wacking off…and having an angel or two right there watching you do it! Here below is probably what they are saying to each other:

1) I wish I was human so I can wack-off once!

2) There he goes again god damn it! Wacking-off to hardcore porn and shit!

3) Hey watch it buddy….that load was cumming straight at me! AIM IT SOME WHERE ELSE GOD DAMN IT!

4) O-NO! You shot it right in my ANGEL PARTNER’S MOUTH! You sick and twisted bastard you! If I can’t do it, then you shouldn’t be aloud to either!

5) Hey! The walls in his bedroom are bright white…just like in HEAVEN!

6) 50 more strokes and he’ll be done!

7) How much do you wanna bet, that he will be wacking off for another 6 hours before he finally calls it quits!

8) DAMN! HE HAS A BIG DICK! HIS IS BIGGER THEN MINE!

9) Hey! Look at that sick bastard down there on his knees giving that horse a knob-job!

10) JESUS! That sick fuck is wacking-off to child porn! I’m going to mysteriously send his email addy and house address to the cops and shit, with a note saying I HAVE TONS OF CHILD PORN ON MY COMPUTER, BECAUSE, I’M A DUMBASS AND I’M LOOKING TO GET CAUGHT ANY FUCKING WAYS! 

There! That’s all I can think of for now! But, yeah…that would really suck if they are there watching you wack-off or whatever….wouldn’t it? I think so… anyways….I’m done….laterz.

Twisted

P.S. Welp, it’s time to go and wack off! Wish me luck!

GET READY BITCHES….THE NEW SITE LAYOUT IS 97% DONE AND IS ALMOST READY TO UPLOAD!

I know alot of time has gone by and not much content has been added yet, to the main site that is. But, it will be slowly… but surely! I don’t know about you, but I am one that can’t stand to have one layout all the time. I need change after so long!

I have also been looking for a new way of making the layout so it’s not using too many tables and images. This new layout uses tables and images, but I don’t think it does near as much as what I have now. This new layout is using javascript menus to, which makes it nicer. This time, I have found javascript menus that work great in IE and Mozilla. So I hope it will be ok for most other browsers to.

I am also getting rid of some main site pages! Here below is the pages that won’t be included in the new layout! I’m doing this to help cut down on using too much bandwidth. Anyways…here is the current site pages that won’t be up for next layout:

Just Bitches

Some Feelings

Main

Now, I don’t really need the above pages for anything really. After all!…most of the topics related to bitches and feelings are mixed in with my rants. And the main page, is pretty much just skipped being that all my page links are going to be in the menus on every page. So, I don’t need them three pages. Also, I might even add a page in the future.

On that page, I was thinking about selling some of my layouts, being that I put so much time into them and I sure could use the money towards my site’s hosting payments and such. The templates page will also be good, because I can add my phpBB forum templates there to. Of course they will be free! Anyways..I just thought I’d let everyone know about my site’s layout progress. I’m also planning on adding this theme to the Plog as well as the forums when I get the chance. That’s all, that’s it….no more shit! I’m out…laterz….

Twisted

REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE!

Here below is some of my versions….I dunno why I was thinking about it or why I wanted to make my own shit up…but, fuck it, here goes:

1) REACH OUT AND RUB MY NUTS!

2) REACH OUT AND LICK MY HAIRY BALL SACKS!

3) REACH OUT AND STROKE MY COCK!

4) REACH OUT AND PUNCH YOUR EX-BITCH-WIFE!

5) REACH OUT AND TITTY TWIST YOUR BITCHE’S NIPPLES!

6) REACH OUT AND BITCH SMACK YOUR WIFE!

7) REACH OUT AND FINGER MY ASSHOLE!

8) REACH OUT AND SNAP MY HAIRY BALL SACKS!

9) REACH OUT AND FUCK SOMEONE!

10) REACH OUT AND STRANGLE SOMEONE!

11) REACH OUT AND PUNCH YOUR (MOTHER, DAD, PAP, SISTER, BROTHER OR) GRAM IN THE MOUTH!

12) REACH OUT AND STAB SOMEONE!

13) REACH OUT AND RAPE SOMEONE!

14) REACH OUT AND MOLEST SOMEONE!

17) REACH OUT AND BITCH SLAP A BIPOLAR BITCH IN THE FUCKING MOUTH!

18) REACH OUT AND GIVE A RIM-JOB!

19) REACH OUT AND GIVE ME A BLOW-JOB BITCH!

20) REACH OUT AND PUNCH PRESIDENT BUSH IN THE FACE!

There, that is all for now. If I come up with anymore, I’ll add them then! I’m out…laterz..

Twisted

HOW IN THE HELL CAN PEOPLE DO IT AND LIVE WITH THEMSELVES THE NEXT DAY!? JESUS!

Why in the hell do people do it? I can’t see how they can just go and suck a horse’s dick, or have a horse’s or dog’s dick up their pussys or whatever! JESUS! Did they just wake up one morning and say….I FEEL LIKE SUCKING OFF A HORSE TODAY! WHERE’S THE NEAREST STABLE? AND THEN AFTER THEY TRIED IT OR SOMETHING, THEY LIKED IT AND KEPT DOING IT! THAT IS FUCKED UP AND WRONG!

When I was browsing for porn before, I had seen some images of women sucking a dog’s dick and shit and I was like WHAT THE HELL! And these women aren’t even that bad looking! That’s what shocked the hell outta me to! I can see a scanky bitch doing it, one that looked so butt-ugly that a guy wouldn’t touch her with a 100ft pole, but…these women looked pretty descent!

Here is some links to some free porn I use time to time. Now they have a nice mix of shit, not just old people fucking old, but younger peoples fucking younger peoples to…and lesbian action! Also, they prolly have links to beastiality to, but just ignore them lol!

http://www.el-ladies.com/

http://www.planetmpg.com/

http://www.sleazydream.com/main.html

Anyways….It is just WRONG to fuck animals! I’m sure even a homeless man or woman could even get laid with no problem! I’m sure there is enough horny bastards out there to get their rocks off, on even the lowest or scummest people on SHITTY EARTH, that you don’t need to stoop so low of fucking animals! I UNDERSTAND THAT PEOPLE HAVE FETISHES AND SHIT, BUT…THAT SHOULDN’T BE ONE OF THEM! Jesus! I’m done with this topic! I’m starting to get sick! I’m out…laterz..

Twisted