Well! I made these twisted messages up that someone would get when calling your cell phone all the damn time driving you nuts! JUST LIKE MY BRO DID TO ME! DROVE ME FUCKIN NUTS! He inspired me to do these lmao!
Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!
1) Hello..? I can’t answer the phone the right now….I’m either doing your wife, daughter or girlfriend at the moment. Please try back in about 12 hours….or if you want…just leave a message.
2) Hello…? O it’s you!!!! I haven’t heard a message from you in 5 seconds…. well considering I haven’t answered the phone 5 seconds ago or had returned your call…there a good chance I wouldn’t be this time either….please don’t leave another message for atleast 8 hours…
3) Hello…? Knock Knock… (Who’s there?) No ones here no ones any where….Please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it….
4) Hello..? You have reached Spencer’s Beer Tasting Department…If you would like me to sample beer for you for quality assurance….please leave a message letting me know when your bringing a case over for me to try….thanks for your time..
5) Hello! Hello! God damn reception sucks…..It’s staticy….please leave a message…
6) I knew it!…. I knew it!…. I knew it!… Would be you!…I’m a pyshic motherfucker!
7) O God!….You again!!!!… I thought I told you not to call and leave messages cause I hardly ever get on this phone anymore. So please don’t leave a message….have a nice day.
8) There is a 101 things I could be doing, but obviously answering this phone isn’t one of them…please leave a message if you must!
9) Hello..(sigh) Figures, everytime Im trying to wack off for a 6 or 8 hour session…someone calls to bug me…leave a message if you’d like….I probably won’t reply though for atleast another 12 hours though.
10) O God!… Incoming!!!…Everybody duck!!!
11) Hello! I’m sorry…all those damn messages drove me to an institute, please don’t leave a message god damn it.!
12) Hello!…Hey!…It’s you!…I haven’t heard a message or talked to you in 5 minutes…you know the drill by now! Goodbye you determined to bug others…motherfuckers!
13) Hey!…You just called a second ago, come on now!!! You can’t be that desperate, deprived or in-love…I’m not gay remember…!!!!???
14) I’ll call you back when I’m done doing your girlfriend, wife or daughter…have a nice rest of the day.
15) Buuurrrrrpppp!
16) If your just going to talk shit then so can I….goodbye!!
17) I’m probably wiping my ass at this time, but I’ll call you back when I’m done.
18) Hello!..Hello!….O damn!……You’re breaking up!….Can’t hear you!….click!…click!….
19) Hello!….If you want phone sex-press 1…If you want to make passionate love and crazy circus sex-press 2….for all other iquires press 3…
20) Hello!….O God!…The Human Alarm Clock!..And I thought the alarm clock in my bedroom was annoying.
21) Hello!..It’s people like you that makes people change their numbers 400 times in a month…
22) Hello! You have reached the D.M.V…the next avaible rep will be with you within the next year… (hint..hint..don’t bother leaving a message or calling again.)
23) Hello!.. You’ve reached Spencer’s Adult World!…If you need a specific toy or movie, please leave a message. If you just want my dick, I’ll get back to you faster!
24) Hello!…If you could or would donate some…money or beer towards all those damn minutes being used up on my phone for the bullshit messages you leave, that would be great!!
25) Hello! A message every 5 fucking seconds, takes Spencer’s minutes he doesn’t have to start with, away…..!!
26) Hello!…If your fetish is smelling stinky..butt ugly feet, please leave a fucking message after the fucking beep!
27) Hello!… I’m in the middle of commiting adultery, please call back later…. like 6 hours, no wait…I’ll still be doing it then to, better make it 12 hours…
28) Hello!… I didn’t think I was that important to start with for you to call me…..hold on a second..let me write this down on the calender.
29) Hey it’s you!…It’s obvious that I didn’t want to speak to you from the start! So please don’t bother leaving any messages…it’s a waste of your time and mine!… Have a great day good buddy that I never call back
30) Hello!…O it’s you!….you must want something from me….that’s the only reason you call for! Well…I don’t have any money, cigarettes or beer…so I guess I’ll hear from you again my next pay day. Well..wait…I do have a cock, if you want some of that then leave a message…!!
31) I knew it!….I knew it!!…..I knew it!!!…..Would be you!…You pain in the ass motherfucker!!……Just can’t leave me alone can you!!???
32) Warning!!….Warning!!…..Message Overload!!!……..System is going to self-destruct in 10 Seconds!! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!
33) Anymore god damn calls from you and Verizon Wireless is going to have to shut down their system for the world, just for you calling me like you do!!
34) I’m not even going to have to make up a smart ass voice message for people anymore, after all the damn calls, my phone is going to start speaking and fending for itself.
35) Thanks to you I had to go to the hospital for ear surgery…..!!!!
36) Hello!!??……..Goodbye!!!!!
37) 20,000 messages is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get and you never know how to stop them from coming….
38) What City..???……………What State….????……..What Listing…??? Sorry…we didn’t understand that listing……please hold for an operator……..
39) Hey!!!! Some people were born with a phone attached to their ear’s, but not me!!!!!
40) Hello!……Sorry!…..Im just to lazy to answer the phone & check my messages…If you want, leave one anyways…..I might get back to you in about 4 years though…..when I finally have enough money to hire a secretary.
41) I have fallen and I can’t get up!! I’m trying to get to the phone but it’s out of reach…..damn!….this fall took alot out of me……..wait…..I think I’m having a heart attack now! You bastard!! All this for your bugging ass!!!!
42) Hello!…..Our specials today are!…….no more god damn fucking messages!!!! -2 for the price of -1
43) Hold on a minute!! I’m trying to burn down your house with you in it at this time….call back when the flames
engulf you…
44) Hello!!…….O God!!!…..What do you want now for Christ’s Sakes!!!
45) [TOILET FLUSHING]……Ok!… now you can you leave your shit! (I am currently using this one LOL!!)
Welp! That’s enough for now, I’ll add some more later when I can come with them lmao!! Tata for now….
Twisted
