wife Archives » Vindictive Bastard

Something interesting for you…

Twisted / 8 February, 2008 / Leave a Comment

Ya just have to LOVE emails like this, they just beg to be made fun of!

Here’s the email below, then below that is going to be snippets of it including my responses to each part…

Subject Title: Something interesting for you

You want to forget about your sexual troubles?

You dont know how? Here a recipe for you….

The recipe is on the site:
wetiues.com

Best regards and have a perfect nights

“You want to forget about your sexual troubles?”

Sometimes I want to forget the sexual troubles, but then again…there really isn’t any troubles. Well, the only main trouble is, having the ALONE TIME together to do anything… Yes, that does suck… I’d like to forget about THAT, but it’s not possible. Ah well, some day the “Alone Time” will be there…

“You dont know how?”

Of course I know HOW, just ask your wife or daughter… they’ll tell ya!

“Here a recipe for you….

The recipe is on the site:
wetiues.com”

Uh, no thanks! I really don’t NEED a recipe for “it”… I do up my OWN recipes for this kind of things.. thanks anyway fuck-face!

“Best regards and have a perfect nights”

Don’t worry spammer bastard, once I get my own place, every night will be a perfect night…

bastard, daughter, emails, fun of, interesting, love, nights, recipe, sexual, snippets, troubles, wetiues.com, wife

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater

General

Twisted / 7 December, 2007 / Leave a Comment

Peter, Peter, stinky huge twat eater,

Had a wife and couldn’t please her;

Put his dick in her and she couldn’t tell,

So he threw her in the stable, where she took that horse’s dick well.

—-THE END—-

dick, eater, her, horses dick, huge, Peter, please, Pumpkin Eater, stable, stinky, threw, twat, wife

Marriage = Jackshit!

Feelings

Twisted / 8 August, 2006 / Leave a Comment

I’m sure as hell not an “old-timer”, but, this is so true it’s not even funny anymore.

Nowadays, when someone wants to get “married”, they really mean, they want to be Boyfriend and Girlfriend. It’s just *not* like it used to be back in the day, meaning, when my grandparents were married and such.

Back then, they actually married because they *really* loved each other, *really* respected each other, and *really* stuck together until the “Death Do Us Part” shit actually happened!

These days, people get married today and divorced tomorrow, like a fad that just came in, and then went out over night! What the fuck people!? Why even bother getting married anymore, Jesus Christ!?

Here below is a small list on why “Marriage = Jackshit”.

1) About 78% of the time, either the hubby or the wife will cheat on their spouse, and not give two shits in the wind about it.

2) While one of the spouses are trying their hardest to put 100% into the marriage, the other spouse is only trying to put 1% into it.. which doesn’t mean shit, and doesn’t help the marriage for a shit!

3) The lack of communication, is usually, always, present in a marriage. While there is a lack of communication in a marriage, how in the hell is anything supposed to work, get done, get accomplished, or anything else for that matter?

My as well just buy a love doll and be done with it, you can fuck the shit out of it all day long, and not have to talk at all!

However, in most of my cases, when ever I was *trying* to communicate with my “lover”, it actually turned out to be the wall… but I’m not going to complain, the wall and I had some pretty good conversations going..

4) Numerous of times, the marriages are just based on sex.. fucking 7 times a day is awesome! However..when that’s all the marriage is based on.. you my as well flush the marriage license down the toilet with the rest of shit!

Because that’s where the marriage is heading anyway..

5) Incompatible “lovers” is another reason why marriages suck ass! It might be all fine and dandy while in the “dating stage” of it.. but, after being married for a while …have the first kid.. then it just starts going down the toilet.. Oh well.. fuck it! What else is new lol!

Well, that’s all I can come up with for now.. this article has been sitting on the back burner for almost three months now lol.. I just had to publish it.

I know there might be someone posting replies to the affect of, “well, that’s not entirely true”, or.. “My marriage is wonderful and strong, it’s been going on for years and years..”

I personally don’t give a flying fuck, I seriously don’t care how wonderful your marriage is.. or.. about marriage statistics. This article was written for mere sarcasm and to be funny.. can’t handle that, well..you could always just fuck off then..lol!

I’m done with this for now.. tata peoples..

back burner, boyfriend, cheat, communication, death, divorced, first kid, girlfriend, hubby, incompatible, jackshit, lover, marriage, marriage license, sex, toilet, wife

Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!

Twisted Jokes

Twisted / 30 April, 2004 / Leave a Comment

Well! I made these twisted messages up that someone would get when calling your cell phone all the damn time driving you nuts! JUST LIKE MY BRO DID TO ME! DROVE ME FUCKIN NUTS! He inspired me to do these lmao!

Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!

1) Hello..? I can’t answer the phone the right now….I’m either doing your wife, daughter or girlfriend at the moment. Please try back in about 12 hours….or if you want…just leave a message.

2) Hello…? O it’s you!!!! I haven’t heard a message from you in 5 seconds…. well considering I haven’t answered the phone 5 seconds ago or had returned your call…there a good chance I wouldn’t be this time either….please don’t leave another message for atleast 8 hours…

3) Hello…? Knock Knock… (Who’s there?) No ones here no ones any where….Please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it….

4) Hello..? You have reached Spencer’s Beer Tasting Department…If you would like me to sample beer for you for quality assurance….please leave a message letting me know when your bringing a case over for me to try….thanks for your time..

5) Hello! Hello! God damn reception sucks…..It’s staticy….please leave a message…

6) I knew it!…. I knew it!…. I knew it!… Would be you!…I’m a pyshic motherfucker!

7) O God!….You again!!!!… I thought I told you not to call and leave messages cause I hardly ever get on this phone anymore. So please don’t leave a message….have a nice day.

8) There is a 101 things I could be doing, but obviously answering this phone isn’t one of them…please leave a message if you must!

9) Hello..(sigh) Figures, everytime Im trying to wack off for a 6 or 8 hour session…someone calls to bug me…leave a message if you’d like….I probably won’t reply though for atleast another 12 hours though.

10) O God!… Incoming!!!…Everybody duck!!!

11) Hello! I’m sorry…all those damn messages drove me to an institute, please don’t leave a message god damn it.!

12) Hello!…Hey!…It’s you!…I haven’t heard a message or talked to you in 5 minutes…you know the drill by now! Goodbye you determined to bug others…motherfuckers!

13) Hey!…You just called a second ago, come on now!!! You can’t be that desperate, deprived or in-love…I’m not gay remember…!!!!???

14) I’ll call you back when I’m done doing your girlfriend, wife or daughter…have a nice rest of the day.

15) Buuurrrrrpppp!

16) If your just going to talk shit then so can I….goodbye!!

17) I’m probably wiping my ass at this time, but I’ll call you back when I’m done.

18) Hello!..Hello!….O damn!……You’re breaking up!….Can’t hear you!….click!…click!….

19) Hello!….If you want phone sex-press 1…If you want to make passionate love and crazy circus sex-press 2….for all other iquires press 3…

20) Hello!….O God!…The Human Alarm Clock!..And I thought the alarm clock in my bedroom was annoying.

21) Hello!..It’s people like you that makes people change their numbers 400 times in a month…

22) Hello! You have reached the D.M.V…the next avaible rep will be with you within the next year… (hint..hint..don’t bother leaving a message or calling again.)

23) Hello!.. You’ve reached Spencer’s Adult World!…If you need a specific toy or movie, please leave a message. If you just want my dick, I’ll get back to you faster!

24) Hello!…If you could or would donate some…money or beer towards all those damn minutes being used up on my phone for the bullshit messages you leave, that would be great!!

25) Hello! A message every 5 fucking seconds, takes Spencer’s minutes he doesn’t have to start with, away…..!!

26) Hello!…If your fetish is smelling stinky..butt ugly feet, please leave a fucking message after the fucking beep!

27) Hello!… I’m in the middle of commiting adultery, please call back later…. like 6 hours, no wait…I’ll still be doing it then to, better make it 12 hours…

28) Hello!… I didn’t think I was that important to start with for you to call me…..hold on a second..let me write this down on the calender.

29) Hey it’s you!…It’s obvious that I didn’t want to speak to you from the start! So please don’t bother leaving any messages…it’s a waste of your time and mine!… Have a great day good buddy that I never call back

30) Hello!…O it’s you!….you must want something from me….that’s the only reason you call for! Well…I don’t have any money, cigarettes or beer…so I guess I’ll hear from you again my next pay day. Well..wait…I do have a cock, if you want some of that then leave a message…!!

31) I knew it!….I knew it!!…..I knew it!!!…..Would be you!…You pain in the ass motherfucker!!……Just can’t leave me alone can you!!???

32) Warning!!….Warning!!…..Message Overload!!!……..System is going to self-destruct in 10 Seconds!! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

33) Anymore god damn calls from you and Verizon Wireless is going to have to shut down their system for the world, just for you calling me like you do!!

34) I’m not even going to have to make up a smart ass voice message for people anymore, after all the damn calls, my phone is going to start speaking and fending for itself.

35) Thanks to you I had to go to the hospital for ear surgery…..!!!!

36) Hello!!??……..Goodbye!!!!!

37) 20,000 messages is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get and you never know how to stop them from coming….

38) What City..???……………What State….????……..What Listing…??? Sorry…we didn’t understand that listing……please hold for an operator……..

39) Hey!!!! Some people were born with a phone attached to their ear’s, but not me!!!!!

40) Hello!……Sorry!…..Im just to lazy to answer the phone & check my messages…If you want, leave one anyways…..I might get back to you in about 4 years though…..when I finally have enough money to hire a secretary.

41) I have fallen and I can’t get up!! I’m trying to get to the phone but it’s out of reach…..damn!….this fall took alot out of me……..wait…..I think I’m having a heart attack now! You bastard!! All this for your bugging ass!!!!

42) Hello!…..Our specials today are!…….no more god damn fucking messages!!!! -2 for the price of -1

43) Hold on a minute!! I’m trying to burn down your house with you in it at this time….call back when the flames
engulf you…

44) Hello!!…….O God!!!…..What do you want now for Christ’s Sakes!!!

45) [TOILET FLUSHING]……Ok!… now you can you leave your shit! (I am currently using this one LOL!!)

Welp! That’s enough for now, I’ll add some more later when I can come with them lmao!! Tata for now….

Twisted

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