Author name: Twisted

WITH BEER!

IT’S CHEAP AND IT WORKS GREAT! AND THE COST OF THE SESSION IS ONLY $18.75! I love it! Because for the one day, or however many days you decide to have your therapy sessions, all your problems go away and you feel great! (Please note: FOR THE ALL KNOWING.. WANNA BE FUCK NUT THERAPISTS OUT THERE! I know! I know! The problems only go away for the time being, and when you wake up the next day, they are right there again anyways! Just keep your fucking mouth shut and listen bitches!)

IT’S THAT TIME OF THE WEEK AGAIN! IT’S TIME TO GET A 30 PACK OF BUDWEISER AND GET SHIT FACED! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! I WISH I COULD HAVE MARRIED THE BUDWEISER FACTORY INSTEAD OF THE (NOW EX-) BITCH WIFE!

Image from: http://www.famousfoto.com/tin-signs/budweiser-beer-signs.htm

O and yes! I had done the wonderful fucking A.A. Meetings before and I follow the 12 steps every day or week! But, I’m doing it Twisted’s Style though,…..THE 12 STEPS IT TAKES TO GET FROM THE CAR TO THE INSIDE OF THE FUCKING BEER DISTRIBUTOR! LOL! THE A.A. MEETINGS WORK WONDERS, YOU ALWAYS LEARN MORE THINGS, MORE WAYS OF GETTING YOUR WONDERFUL TOOL OF THERAPY AND EVEN “HOOK-ED” UP WITH OTHER WONDERFUL THERAPISTS LIKE: MR WEED, MR COCAINE, MR CRACK (HOUSE) AND STUFF! DAMN! YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME!

Welp! I think that about raps the shit up for this post! I can’t wait until mid-next week! Laterz…

Twisted

WHAT THE HELL DOES IT REALLY DO FOR ANYONE TO BE “PWNED”, “OWNED”.. WHATEVER THE FUCK? I THINK IT REALLY MEANS PEOPLE ARE NOT OUT OF ELEMENTRY SCHOOL YET OR SOMETHING!

I have been to tons of message boards and shit and have seen people arguing over the MOST STUPIDEST SHIT IT’S NOT FUNNY! THEN..FOR SOME REASON THE ONE PERSON HAS TO CLAIM SOMEONE AS THEIR “PROPERTY” (OR BITCH) TO! BY BEING “PWNED” BY THEM YET! WHAT THE HELL?!

I’ll prolly get alot of rants towards me for this post, BUT I DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS IN THE WIND LOL! I can understand arguing with people over sensible stuff, or important stuff, but not just bullshit! I don’t think I have ever been in an online argument persay. But, I did get lippy and shit with a few peoples over something that did really matter to me. And, I don’t remember anyone posting anything about someone being “pwned” or whatever either.

I think it’s just stupid. It doesn’t really prove anything, because if you really wanted to “own” or “pwn” someone, try going to their house or apartment and telling them that face to face. SEE HOW FAR AND LONG YOU’D “PWNED” THEM THEN LOL!! Come on peoples, time to grow up and be adults. Now like me and my posts…they are rants about certain things that happen in my life, or things that are just bothering me, I’m not trying to “OWN” or “PWN” someone in particular!

I dunno…to each his own I suppose….but..this image here always comes to mind when I see people fighting over stupid shit on a message board though:

Anyways…I’m done…laterz…

Twisted

WELP! IT’S FINALLY THE TIME FOR IT! YAY!

Here below is what I wrote up for the two weeks notice. But, this is the more mature and calm way of doing it. Which I figured I’d better do, so I have “good standing” with them, just for future purposes and such ya know? Then below that is the version I really wanted to write up, and it was hard as hell not to! LOL!

Head Person (name not enclosed for on here),

Here is my two weeks notice. I will work up until July 12th. The reason for my notice is, I was offered a job with more hours, benefits and better pay. Thank you for the opportunity of working here until I have aquired a full time job.

Mr Twisted – July, 2, 2004

Here below is the version I really wanted to write, but.. figured I’d better not lmao!

Dear Bitch Stupid-Visor,

HERE IS MY FUCKING TWO WEEKS NOTICE FINALLY! YOU CAN TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS, YOU FUCKING SLAVE DRIVING, NO RESPECT FOR ANYONE FUCKING DUMBASS BITCH!

I GOT A MUCH BETTER JOB NOW, AND I DON’T NEED THIS FUCKING CHEAP ASS, NO BENEFIT SUPPLYING CESSPOOL OF FUCKING BIPOLAR BITCH SHIT! THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING JOKE AND I’M SURE A BUNCH OF ELEMENTARY KIDS COULD RUN IT BETTER THEN YOU DUMBASSES!

NOW YOU CAN RELISH IN THE FACT THAT YOUR STUCK WITH A BUNCH OF STUPID ASS BITCHES THAT DON’T REALLY KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING! ALL YOUR LONG LASTED, MORE EXPERIENCED WORKERS ARE ALMOST ALL GONE! WELL! EXCEPT THE DUMBASS DAYSHIT PEOPLES LOL! BUT…MOST OF THEM WILL LEAVE TO I’M SURE! COUNT THE DAYS BITCHES! ONE DOWN, 4 MORE TO GO! ATLEAST ON THE NIGHT SHIFT CREW!

I WISH YOU THE BEST ON HIRING NEW (SUCKERS) PEOPLE AND HAVING THEM STAY LONGER THEN TWO WEEKS! I’M SURE THEY WON’T, BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT IN DESPARATE NEED OF A SHIT JOB! THANKS FOR NOTHING FUCK-NUTS. O.. AND MY BALLS NEED WASHED SO START LICKING BITCHES! 

SINCERELY,

MR TWISTED BASTARD

There, I could make up more versions I’m sure, but…I gotta go to bed quick so I can get to work tomorrow and shove my TWO WEEKS NOTICE up their fucking asses. Laterz…

THE OLD- SHIT JOB SUCKS MASSIVE HORSE DICK AND THE NEW JOB DOESN’T!

Here below is a comparison of the two jobs. Now I just got hired for a job yesterday morning. Right below here is the good things about the shitty job I have now…then below that is what the new job has to offer!

THE WONDERFUL FUCKING SHIT JOB I HAVE NOW OFFERS THIS:

1) NO BENEFITS!

2) A BULLSHIT PAY RATE! $6.40 TO START….AFTER YOUR FIRST YEAR YOU GET A RAISE! WHOOPED- DE- FUCKING- DO- DA!

3) TONS OF STRESS FOR NO REASON AT ALL!

4) FREE COUNSELING! BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU’LL NEED IT ANYWAYS WHILE WORKING THERE IN THE CESSPOOL! BUT, EVEN THAT SHITTY FREE COUNSELING ISN’T WORTH SHIT!

5) THEY JUST DON’T OFFER ANYTHING! BECAUSE THEY CHEAP BASTARDS AND YOU ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE TO SUFFER AND JUST LIVE WITH IT! NOT! REALITY CHECK FUCKERS!

Here below is what the new job offers! AND I MUST SAY! DAMN! A HELL OF ALOT MORE THEN MY SHITTY.. SHIT.. SHIT.. JOB!

1) STARTING PAY RATE IS: $10.85 AN HOUR AND AFTER 4 MONTHS, IT AUTOMATICALLY GOES TO $11.45 AN HOUR! BESIDES THE .25 CENTS SHIFT RATE! WHICH I’LL BE DOING IN TIME, BECAUSE THEY NEED PEOPLE ON NIGHT SHIFT MORE THEN THEY NEED PEOPLE ON DAYSHIFT!

2) I’LL BE WORKING FOUR – 10 HOUR DAYS! MAYBE EVEN FIVE DAYS! WHICH IS OVER-TIME THEN. WHICH I’LL BASICALLY BE BRINGING HOME LIKE ALMOST $400.00 A WEEK, UNLIKE THE SHITTY JOB I HAVE AT THE MOMENT….BRINGING IN LIKE NOT EVEN $400.00 A FUCKING MONTH!

3) FULL BENEFIT PACKAGE AFTER 90 DAYS! WHICH INCLUDES:

A) MEDICAL, DENTAL, VISION..

B) 401 K/ PENSION RETIREMENT PACKAGE….

C) 2 WEEKS PAID VACATION AFTER ONE YEAR OF SERVICE….MAY TAKE A PORTION OF VACATION AFTER 90 DAYS

D) LIFE INSURANCE (15,000 PAID BY COMPANY-CAN SUPPLEMENT WITH BASIC AND UNIVERSAL LIFE)

G) 8 PAID 10-HOUR HOLIDAYS

H) GAIN-SHARING PROGRAM PARTICIPATION

Now, I think this is a much better paying job…let alone the benefits they offer…compared to my SHITTY ASS FUCKITY FUCK NUT JOB I HAVE NOW!

IT’S OFFICIAL FUCK-NUTS! MY TWO WEEK NOTICE IS GOING IN TOMORROW WHEN I GET TO SHIT WORK! WOOT!! WOOT!! MY LAST SHITTY DAY AT SHIT WORK WILL BE JULY 12TH! I start my new job the 13th! YAY! I can’t fucking wait! MONEY!! MONEY!! HERE IT COMES! Maybe then I can get my car all fixed the fuck up and go out picking up bitches n hoes hahaha…naa…descent ones this time! Well I hope! I’m done for now..laterz….

Twisted

HERE IS MY VERSIONS OF NEXTEL’S: DONE!1) DROP KICK THE BITCH IN THE FACE!…. DONE!

2) DRIVE INTO THE BITCH WITH A MAC TRUCK AT 100 MILES AN HOUR!….DONE!

3) SMICKITY SMACKY, THE BITCHY.. BITCH.. BITCH IN THE FACE TILL IT TURNS PURPLE! ….DONE!

4) GET ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES SLUT AND GIVE ME THE BEST BLOWJOB FOR 50 CENTS!…DONE!

5) SHOVE A STICK OF DYNAMITE UP A BITCHES ASS, LIGHT IT AND RUN! ……DONE!

6) FLOSS YOUR TEETH WITH MY PUBIC HAIRS! ……DONE!

7) SEW THE BITCHE’S LIPS SHUT WITH A PIANO WIRE! …..DONE!

8) DON’T SPEAK BITCH! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! ……DONE!

9) IF YOU GOT AIDS, BECAUSE YOUR A DUMBASS FROM HELL AND DIDN’T WEAR PROTECTION, JUST LIVE WITH IT AND DIE! ….DONE!

10) IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY POSTS……JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE ON LIKE THE GOOD LITTLE BASTARDS YOU ARE! ……DONE!

11) FORCE FEED THE BIPOLAR BITCHES THEIR MEDICATIONS BECAUSE THEY TOO STUPID TO TAKE IT THEMSELVES! ……DONE!

12) USE THE BITCHES AS TARGET PRACTICE FOR A 50 CAL MACHINE GUN! ….DONE!

Welp! I think that about raps up the shit for tonight! I’ll prolly think of more stuff tomorrow while being at SHIT WORK! Because that SHIT HOLE inspires me so much! I’m done…laterz….

Twisted

THAT WOULD BE FUCKING AWESOME! AND I MEAN THAT LITERALLY!

Wouldn’t it be great to just come home from work, relax a little bit and have a few beers or something…then get a nice workout on the SEXERCISING MACHINE!  I was thinking about it the other day because I know I need to get my arms back into shape, but..at the same time, I haven’t had nookie for a long time either….then the wonderful idea popped into my mind. I SHOULD INVENT THE SEXERCISING MACHINE!

YOU COULD GET A NICE WORKOUT WHILE GETTING LAID! HOW COULD YOU BEAT THAT!?

It shouldn’t be too hard to make. It could even fold up when you want it out of the way! I was thinking of various ways it could be made the other night! But, I’m not great at drawing up plans and shit. You could have various sexual positions covered with one machine! Damn! You could make millions with that! There is so much money in the sex business these days it’s not even funny!

SO WHY NOT MAKE THE BIG BUCKS BY CREATING A SEXERCISING MACHINE!? THAT SHOULD SELL LIKE HOT CAKES! FOR THE SPECIAL BONUS OFFER, WE COULD MAKE LITTLE COCK DUMBELLS! SO THE GUYS CAN WORKOUT THEIR PECKERS! JUST MOUNT IT ON TOP OF IT AND LIFT AND DROP….LIFT AND DROP! THAT’S ONE REPETITION…..THEN REPEAT!

The selling slogans or mottos would be like:

1) LOSE THAT THIRTY POUND… WHILE FUCKING UP AND DOWN! BUY THE SEXERCISING MACHINE TODAY!

2) IT’S NOT JUST A  FULL-BODY WORK-OUT! IT’S A TWO BODY WORK-OUT! BUY THE SEXERCISING MACHINE TODAY! FOR ONLY $69.69!

3) WITH THE SEXERCISING MACHINE, YOUR NOT JUST TAKING ONE LOAD OFF, BUT TWO!

4) HAVE THE ULTIMATE ORGASMIC EXPERIENCE WITH THE SEXERCISING MACHINE! WHILE WORKING OFF THEM ANNOYING POUNDS, YOUR WORKING OFF YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS! BUY THE SEXERCISING MACHINE TODAY! CALL NOW! 1-888-696-9696 <-NOT REAL LOL! I DON’T THINK ANYWAY…..IT MIGHT BE THOUGH LMAO!

5) GET TWO BODIES IN SHAPE WITH ONE MACHINE! ORDER THE SEXERCISER MACHINE TODAY!

That’s all I can think of for now…if I can come up with anymore slogan/mottos, I’ll update this post then! Just imagine that though, holy hell! It would be awesome! I’m done…laterz.

Twisted