homeless

Below here is some twisted jokes or whatever I had made up while being on the shitter taking a big ass SHIT! They might not be really funny but…deal with it fuckers!

You Know You’re Cheap When…

1) You think everything in the Dollar General Store is too expensive…and can’t wait for them to mark things down.

2) You find yourself browsing through the blue boxes late at night, so people won’t notice you…

3) You go and put outfits into the blue boxes and then casually get out other outfits that catches your eye….

4) You stoop so low to go to a nursing home randomly picking residents, telling them this big story of being a long lost grandchild and try to convince them to put you on their will for some cash and possible property….

5) If you bring your own snacks to the movie theater…

6) If you put M&Ms on lay away….

7) You want to make a holiday called, National Coupon Day…

8) You try and get a $10.00 item with two $5.00 off coupons…

9) You wanna try and convince the gov’t to allow Monolopy money as a backup currency…

10) You can’t afford to throw in your two cents on anything cause that’s dipping into your life savings…

11) When you jump for joy at all the “Free For The Taking” ads in the newspaper and have to be the first one there to pick the stuff up, no matter what it is….

12) When you think the shoes in a Payless Shoe Store are too expensive.

13) When you find yourself asking friends to buy you happy meals here and there at Mc Donalds so you can get the toys for the kids to have something for Christmas morning.

14) When you stoop so low to the point of claiming to be one of those homeless or starving kids in Africa so you’d get donations a month.

15) When it comes time to sell or get rid of your house, it’s just really a matter of taking the cardboard box to the recycle bin.

16) When you can’t wait to get your bank statement to see how much interest was added on to that knickel you had in your account.

17) When you can’t wait until Sunday for church or (Pay Day)….being that you sit in the last pew so that when you put your 10% in the offering bowl you nonchalantly take out 10% of the total, from the bowl.

18) When you only use one sheet of toilet tissue when wiping your ass and you have it in your head that anymore than that at a time is losing a knickel a sheet.

19) Your the only one getting a refund on calling waiting.

20) When you go out to eat, & you ask to see if you can pay for the bill by working in the kitchen or dishroom.

I hope you liked them….more might be coming soon then lol!

Twisted