beer Archives » Vindictive Bastard

Google Talk Chat #4

Twisted / 18 May, 2008 / Leave a Comment

Spencer: instead of starting with BOOZE… drink hard shit first.. then go to beer..like, some vodka to get a buzz.. then stop and switch to beer

blacksnday: can’t buy the hard shit right now… hell I KNOW BF mad that I bought a 30pack 2day even though he didn’t say anything. LOLOLOL

Spencer: haha

blacksnday: I was all like, WELL YOU LEFT ME MONEY.. IT’S YOUR FAULT! LOL

Spencer: Just give him a 30 pack to make up for it .. say.. time for a thirty packings! bend over baby!

blacksnday: I did 2day ;d LOL hahhaahaha

Spencer: lmao… 30 tho? hahahahaha

blacksnday: hahaha

Spencer: tat a dolla bill on the dick and rail till its paid off

blacksnday: LMAO

The whole convo was started, because he couldn’t get a buzz after so many days of drinking previously. Sometimes after few days of drinking, then taking break from it, it’s hard to get a buzz or drunk again next day or so. It happened to me already before…back in the day.

beer, bill, booze, chat, dick, dollar, Google, Google Messenger, Gtalk, money, paid, vodka

The Kitty Cat…

General

Twisted / 16 March, 2008 / Leave a Comment

For all you cat lovers out there, ya might wanna get a box of tissues ready… cause this story isn’t pretty…

Like I just posted on my buddies BRAND NEW site, I-AM-MEAN.COM. Here’s a little story that happened while hanging out with an old hick buddy of mine…

While I was still in middle school, me and my hick friend were hanging out at his barn and found a stray kitty cat. Like a couple of rebel teenagers, we were drinking booze and liquor…

I then made the remark to him, “Wait, how long has it been since you had pussy?” He said, “Oh, a few year!” I said, “Well, there’s one for ya! You didn’t even have to search for one, it came to YOU!” Anyway, like a couple of rebel teenagers drinking booze and crap, decided to fuck with the pussy cat a bit…

First, we put milk in it’s bowl, then I attempted to try and get the cat to drink kerosene, being that it’s clear and doesn’t really have an oder to it… But the fucking cat wouldn’t drink it!! Damn it! So, I then grabbed the lighter and lit the kerosene on fire in front of it’s face… cat didn’t like THAT too much.. LOL!

Then, we tried ramming an M80 up it’s ass, lighting it and run. Damn cat squealed and screamed like a motherfucker… Of course it would, it was getting an M80 rammed up it’s ass. LOL! Damn cat wouldn’t stay still for us, so … hick buddy decided to lock it in this little cage, then run over it with the riding lawnmower… boy, did the cat hate that one too…

I then said, “Welp, I guess we’re not getting any pussy tonight!”

ass, beer, booze, cat, face, fuck, kerosene, kitty, liquor, M80, motherfucker, mower, pussy, rebel, riding, riding lawnmower, stray, teenagers

Since I’m a loser and a retard because I contradict myself all the time…

General Rants

Twisted / 13 October, 2007 / Leave a Comment

You know, being that all my previous rant posts were dated originally around the early 2000’s, and were written up while I was drunk off my ass and pissed off… You’d think people with a brain would figure out it’s pretty normal and bound to happen…

Especially after so much time has passed, and the fact that the more recent posts were done while I was sober… Really, it’s only expected to have alot of contradictions going on within my posts… For all the dumb fucks out there, that think they’re smart but are dumb as farts… I’ll break it down for you…

1.) Most of my past rants (from; 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005) were done while drunk off my ass, and pissed off. Most of the past rants were pertaining to issues at hand, at that specific time as well…

2.) From Feb 2006, to present time.. I hadn’t had a drop of beer or liquor. Naturally, if you compare someone with a drunken state of mind, to a sober state of mind…their views, opinions, and so forth or totally different…

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Anyway, I’ll keep everyone posted about the posts later. I’m tired as hell… later…

beer, drunk, liquor, loser, opinions, pissed, retard

It’s your day off work for fuck sakes! Stay the fuck home!!

Feelings General

Twisted / 25 April, 2007 / Leave a Comment

There’s nothing that pisses me off worse, then fucking co-workers that come to work on their days off!!

People! It’s your day off work for fuck sakes!! Stay the FUCK HOME!!! STOP COMING TO THE DAMN JOB SITE TO BULLSHIT WITH OTHER SHITTY CO-WORKERS!!!

I’M TRYING TO GET MY FUCKING WORK DONE, I’M ON THE CLOCK, I’M GETTING PAID FOR THE EVENING, I’M DOING A DAMN JOB!! I AIN’T BULLSHITTING WITH OTHER BASTARD CO-WORKERS!!

STAY THE FUCK HOME ASSHOLES!! I don’t come to the job site on my days off and shoot the shit with bastard co-workers where you’re working at, holding you up from doing your shit jobs, so don’t do it to me!!

1.) STAY THE FUCK HOME!!

3.) BUY A DAMN PHONE AND CALL UP THOSE LOSERS AND TALK YOUR EARS OFF!! DRAIN THE BATTERY 600 TIMES A DAY AND NIGHT, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! STAY THE FUCK HOME!!

4.) IF YOU’RE NOT WORKING FOR THE NIGHT, STAY THE FUCK HOME! STOP PREVENTING OTHER PEOPLE FROM GETTING THEIR JOBS DONE!!

5.) BUY SOME BEER, PICK THEM UP, GO OUT DRINKING AND DRIVING ALL NIGHT AND GET INTO AN ACCIDENT AND DIE! JUST STAY THE FUCK HOME! STAY AWAY FROM THE JOB SITE IF YOU AIN’T WORKING FOR THE NIGHT OR DAY! JESUS (FUCKING CHRISTMAS IS OVER THANK GOD) CHRIST!!

Ahhh.. I feel so much better.. [takes a bow to the audience, thank you, thank you!! No really, you shouldn’t!] I’m out.. later!

assholes, bastards, beer, clock, co-workers, home, job, job site, paid, phone, shit jobs, stay home, work

Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!

Twisted Jokes

Twisted / 30 April, 2004 / Leave a Comment

Well! I made these twisted messages up that someone would get when calling your cell phone all the damn time driving you nuts! JUST LIKE MY BRO DID TO ME! DROVE ME FUCKIN NUTS! He inspired me to do these lmao!

Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!

1) Hello..? I can’t answer the phone the right now….I’m either doing your wife, daughter or girlfriend at the moment. Please try back in about 12 hours….or if you want…just leave a message.

2) Hello…? O it’s you!!!! I haven’t heard a message from you in 5 seconds…. well considering I haven’t answered the phone 5 seconds ago or had returned your call…there a good chance I wouldn’t be this time either….please don’t leave another message for atleast 8 hours…

3) Hello…? Knock Knock… (Who’s there?) No ones here no ones any where….Please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it….

4) Hello..? You have reached Spencer’s Beer Tasting Department…If you would like me to sample beer for you for quality assurance….please leave a message letting me know when your bringing a case over for me to try….thanks for your time..

5) Hello! Hello! God damn reception sucks…..It’s staticy….please leave a message…

6) I knew it!…. I knew it!…. I knew it!… Would be you!…I’m a pyshic motherfucker!

7) O God!….You again!!!!… I thought I told you not to call and leave messages cause I hardly ever get on this phone anymore. So please don’t leave a message….have a nice day.

8) There is a 101 things I could be doing, but obviously answering this phone isn’t one of them…please leave a message if you must!

9) Hello..(sigh) Figures, everytime Im trying to wack off for a 6 or 8 hour session…someone calls to bug me…leave a message if you’d like….I probably won’t reply though for atleast another 12 hours though.

10) O God!… Incoming!!!…Everybody duck!!!

11) Hello! I’m sorry…all those damn messages drove me to an institute, please don’t leave a message god damn it.!

12) Hello!…Hey!…It’s you!…I haven’t heard a message or talked to you in 5 minutes…you know the drill by now! Goodbye you determined to bug others…motherfuckers!

13) Hey!…You just called a second ago, come on now!!! You can’t be that desperate, deprived or in-love…I’m not gay remember…!!!!???

14) I’ll call you back when I’m done doing your girlfriend, wife or daughter…have a nice rest of the day.

15) Buuurrrrrpppp!

16) If your just going to talk shit then so can I….goodbye!!

17) I’m probably wiping my ass at this time, but I’ll call you back when I’m done.

18) Hello!..Hello!….O damn!……You’re breaking up!….Can’t hear you!….click!…click!….

19) Hello!….If you want phone sex-press 1…If you want to make passionate love and crazy circus sex-press 2….for all other iquires press 3…

20) Hello!….O God!…The Human Alarm Clock!..And I thought the alarm clock in my bedroom was annoying.

21) Hello!..It’s people like you that makes people change their numbers 400 times in a month…

22) Hello! You have reached the D.M.V…the next avaible rep will be with you within the next year… (hint..hint..don’t bother leaving a message or calling again.)

23) Hello!.. You’ve reached Spencer’s Adult World!…If you need a specific toy or movie, please leave a message. If you just want my dick, I’ll get back to you faster!

24) Hello!…If you could or would donate some…money or beer towards all those damn minutes being used up on my phone for the bullshit messages you leave, that would be great!!

25) Hello! A message every 5 fucking seconds, takes Spencer’s minutes he doesn’t have to start with, away…..!!

26) Hello!…If your fetish is smelling stinky..butt ugly feet, please leave a fucking message after the fucking beep!

27) Hello!… I’m in the middle of commiting adultery, please call back later…. like 6 hours, no wait…I’ll still be doing it then to, better make it 12 hours…

28) Hello!… I didn’t think I was that important to start with for you to call me…..hold on a second..let me write this down on the calender.

29) Hey it’s you!…It’s obvious that I didn’t want to speak to you from the start! So please don’t bother leaving any messages…it’s a waste of your time and mine!… Have a great day good buddy that I never call back

30) Hello!…O it’s you!….you must want something from me….that’s the only reason you call for! Well…I don’t have any money, cigarettes or beer…so I guess I’ll hear from you again my next pay day. Well..wait…I do have a cock, if you want some of that then leave a message…!!

31) I knew it!….I knew it!!…..I knew it!!!…..Would be you!…You pain in the ass motherfucker!!……Just can’t leave me alone can you!!???

32) Warning!!….Warning!!…..Message Overload!!!……..System is going to self-destruct in 10 Seconds!! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

33) Anymore god damn calls from you and Verizon Wireless is going to have to shut down their system for the world, just for you calling me like you do!!

34) I’m not even going to have to make up a smart ass voice message for people anymore, after all the damn calls, my phone is going to start speaking and fending for itself.

35) Thanks to you I had to go to the hospital for ear surgery…..!!!!

36) Hello!!??……..Goodbye!!!!!

37) 20,000 messages is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get and you never know how to stop them from coming….

38) What City..???……………What State….????……..What Listing…??? Sorry…we didn’t understand that listing……please hold for an operator……..

39) Hey!!!! Some people were born with a phone attached to their ear’s, but not me!!!!!

40) Hello!……Sorry!…..Im just to lazy to answer the phone & check my messages…If you want, leave one anyways…..I might get back to you in about 4 years though…..when I finally have enough money to hire a secretary.

41) I have fallen and I can’t get up!! I’m trying to get to the phone but it’s out of reach…..damn!….this fall took alot out of me……..wait…..I think I’m having a heart attack now! You bastard!! All this for your bugging ass!!!!

42) Hello!…..Our specials today are!…….no more god damn fucking messages!!!! -2 for the price of -1

43) Hold on a minute!! I’m trying to burn down your house with you in it at this time….call back when the flames
engulf you…

44) Hello!!…….O God!!!…..What do you want now for Christ’s Sakes!!!

45) [TOILET FLUSHING]……Ok!… now you can you leave your shit! (I am currently using this one LOL!!)

Welp! That’s enough for now, I’ll add some more later when I can come with them lmao!! Tata for now….

Twisted

answer, answered, beer, call, flush, girlfriend, institute, love, messages, nuts, phone, ring, wife