farts Archives » Vindictive Bastard

Fart obsession, much?

Twisted / 18 April, 2010 / Leave a Comment

Generally I browse through the IMDb (The Internet Movie Database) about various actors and actresses to see what all movies they’ve played in and what-not, but this one person on a message board takes the cake.

garfodie2005 apparently is a 12 year old kid (age unknown for sure, but he surely acts like a 12 year old) because of his obsession with farts, or meeting actors because of their farts…

Um, okay kid…I highly doubt that you’ve met J.K. Simmons in an elevator on the 18th floor, by a fart… And then you just happen to be going to the 18th floor again with George Lopez, and the same thing happened?

If you read through most of this kid’s posts for message board replies, you’ll find that’s about all he asks about or talks about… Daniel Baldwin, Danny DeVito, The Apprentice (2004) series, Burn Notice (2007), and Jeffery Ross to name a few.

To help you out a little bit, why not take empty jelly jars around with you, to catch these farts? Of course don’t poke holes in the lids though, this way the farts will remain inside the jars. Maybe you could sell them on E-Bay? Listings could read like… “George Lopez fart, 2K bid start… Anything lower would smell like my own fart! An insult, because mine are of burnt Vaseline cause daddy rails my ass every night with his big cock. Haha t-hehehe.”

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Hot and steamy chirpy farts…

General It Is Said

Twisted / 22 May, 2008 / Leave a Comment

Ya know what REALLY sucks? Having those hot and steamy chirpy farts… Or as I also like to call them, “Silent but deadly farts”.

Ya know, those farts you get after eating alot of hot and spicy foods and such? Damn they suck! Besides having the feeling of a Volcano about to explode, you’re worrying about the hot molten lava shit that will flow out of your asshole, burning off your asshole, hairs, and anything else in it’s path…

On top of all THAT shit, hot and steamy farts are very unpredictable! Just when you think you’re going to let out a hot and steamy stinky chirpy fart, it turns out to be hot liquid shit, or in other words: diarrhea. God damn that shit really sucks. And I mean that literally. I guess the only true prevention of that, is to not eat hot and spicy foods and such.

Um, yeah right! I gotta have my hot and spicy foods! Oh shit, I’ll be back in a little bit…the Volcano is about to blow! More Cheyenne Pepper please!

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One of the worst drivers in the world, are the old farts..

General

Twisted / 4 November, 2007 / Leave a Comment

Here below is why…

1. They are fucking retarded. Their brains are fucking mush, just like the road kills that lay on the road with their brains splattered every where….

2. THEY CAN’T STAY IN THEIR OWN GOD DAMN LANES!! I’m not sure how you feel about it, but I think they made yellow lines down the center of the road for a reason!?!?

Also, it’s not a “game” to see who can take out the most “side view mirrors” of the cars coming in opposite direction…

IMHO, I think they should just all drive off a fuckin cliff some wheres. Of course their trip down would take a day and half since they slow ass motherfuckers.. but that’s okay! They still manage to get where they going regardless so it’s all good!

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