Satan Archives » Vindictive Bastard

Fucking debt collectors…

Twisted / 18 August, 2008 / Leave a Comment

There’s nothing worse then debt collectors calling every god damn couple of hours of every god damn day…

I swear, they call more than family, girlfriend, friends, and general other idiots and assholes you never wanna hear from. Hell, I’d rather hear from the idiots and assholes, then the debt collectors…

Usually when they call and ask for me, I just tell them one of the following:

“Oh, he’s at work. He’s trying to make the money to pay you guys off so you stop fucking annoying the hell out of him with your god damn daily phone calls!”
I’m sorry, but he’s currently unavailable. He’s outside burning up all those worthless piece of shit letters you’re send him on daily basis.
I’m sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now. He’s out buying more alcoholic beverages with the money that he should be paying you off with…
I’m sorry, I’m currently… I mean, he’s currently unavailable at the moment, can I take yet ANOTHER god damn message from you!?!? I mean after all! It’s only been an hour since you last called…
Hey! It’s YOU again, I haven’t heard from you since yesterday!! How’s the family doing?
Hi, I’m sorry but Spencer died the other day. He no longer is with us. If you want, I can give you his new number and address. 1-666-666-6666 and his address is: 666 Satan Drive, Hell, 66666. Good luck getting ahold of him.
Hey there! I’m sorry, but I really don’t give a shit how much I owe you. Oh wait, this is his brother, I’m sorry. Can I take a message?
You know, you call more than my ex-wife does, when she needs the kids watched? And that’s pretty damn much. My as well just have them signed over to me, and you too! Whoo Hoo!
You know, rather then spending all this time and money trying to get ahold of ME, why not just wait until I get ahold of you? That way; the debt amount due never goes up, nor will the fucking collection fees.
Hello again god damn it, how about this; rather than calling for Spencer all the god damn fucking time, why not just move your “firm” into his house!? That way, you don’t have to call and call, or send out repeat letters all the time. You can just wake him up in the morning in his bedroom, and drive him fucking nuts that way!?!? OR, just be around him all the time in general until he commits suicide… then he won’t owe you SHIT!

The other thing I hate though too, is they sometimes “act” like they’re your friend or something…”Hey, is Spencer there? Tell him this is Mike! Remember me?!” I reply… “Wait, who this again? Mike from where?” I swear they’re getting just as smart “trick” wise, than we are!! Fucking god damn bastards!!

Me: If it’s so easy, can you make the first $50.00 payment for me…..? Or give me your credit card or checking acct. info so I can make that first payment…?

OR:

Them: Hello…Mr. Spencer…..I’m calling about a debt that you’ve created in 1999! I was just wondering if you’d like to take care of that today….??

Me: Well…! If you haven’t caught on by now…I really didn’t have any intentions on paying anything on it, especially if it’s from 1999 and haven’t made one single payment since I created the debt in 1999. Now kindly lick my hairy (recently just shaven) nut sack!!

God! I SHOULD get a job as a Debt Collector! Of course, I’d probably end up having to call myself all the time… ah well, at least I’d enjoy a conversation with myself!! Hell, might get better responses and have some actual desire of paying off debts… Ummm, NOT!

Knowing ME, I’d get into the “system” and give myself a ZERO BALANCE! HAHAHAHA! Fuck, I need to get a job at these collection firms… shit! Anyway, I’m out for now… I gotta call the girlfriend and then get to bed so I can wake up to a debt collector calling me at 7 or 8am… FUCK! Tata!

1999, 666, alcoholic beverages, assholes, brother, calling, calls, checking account, collection fees, collectors, commits suicide, credit card, debt collectors, debts, ex-wife, family, friends, girlfriend, hell, house, idiots, kids, me, money, of, phone, piece, Satan, shit, spencer, work

The summer heat…

General

Twisted / 9 June, 2008 / Leave a Comment

The quick and simple way to lose that extra meat!

Unlike most normal folks out there, ya know… those with money that can afford air conditioners and shit… If you a broke dick, cheap bastard like myself, you can’t afford those wonderful things like everyone else does…

Cheap bastards like me just learn to live with it, and have to suffer with the unbearable summer heat. I mean, even IF you shaved all the hair off your body, went around naked in the house, and turned fans on… you’re still gonna end up losing the pounds by the hour / day and still feel like a Jew in an Incinerator (oven).

Hey, one good thing at least… Once ya FINALLY make it to Hell with your daddy Satan, you’ll be used to the heat. That, and you’ll be reunited with your family again, like one huge happy family reunion! Skinny as hell too, not to mention hairless, if you shaved all the hair off your body! Either way, it’d be burnt off in Hell anyway when ya got there…so fuck it.

Not to mention, you’ll be looking nice for that reunion. So fat bastards, and anyone else… if you wanna lose that extra meat the cheap affordable way, get naked, lose the air conditioners, and shave off all that hair… Free ball it bastards!

Anyway, I gotta get back on the scale again… I think I lost another 2 pounds typing this post out in my Incinerator… I mean, the oven… tata!

air conditioner, family reunion, hairless, heat, hell, incinerator, Jew, oven, Satan, scale, shave, summer

Dear Mother Satan, please shut the fuck up and adjust that crooked tampon…

Bitches Rants

Twisted / 4 February, 2008 / Leave a Comment

Ah yes, another day at shit work and nothing like a pissy whiny “Mother Satan” old bossy bitch lady to make things even more enjoyable! NOT!

Anyway, here’s what happened today… I got into work today and she asked me if I painted over the weekend. I replied “yes, why?” She said, “where did you get the paint from?” I thought, “I waited for it to drip from your pussy, the best paint is old lady discharge.”

Anyway, I said, “the paint closet.” She said, “that paint was lotted for a project. You should have asked before using it.” I said, “well Don (The main painter guy there) told me to get more if I needed it!” She replied, “okay, but yeah, you need to ask first because paint is expensive.” Of course I was thinking, “No shit, Sherlock!”

To get the bitch out of my face quickly, I left it go. Later I find out, the project she was talking about was the one I STARTED MYSELF. The part of the building that I specifically asked her if I could paint myself, and she said yes too!

And turns out, the area I started myself was already basically painted with the same paint from a previous batch of paint, that I was told to go ahead and use anyway! So really, I didn’t use that much of the NEW batch of paint to finish the supposed “lotted/special” project she was getting pissy about to begin with! That Don guy was going to do it anyway! Really, I helped save their paint in the end!

How about this bitch, adjust that crooked Depends version of a tampon you got crammed up your pussy sideways collecting that old hag drainage and discharge and keep the lips zipped… I don’t need to hear your old ramblings of bullshit…

Keep stepping, keep moving, keep the mouth closed and pretend you’re doing your job in your office away from me, because you suck horse Willies and I’m Mr. Awesome at work…

Hey, I know you’re jealous of me, but please, please don’t take it out on me because you know everyone hates you and thinks you’re a fucking bitch with a steal and jagged pointy dildo shoved up your ass (so it ain’t gonna melt) while the crooked tampon is up the old hag twat sideways…

Face the facts bitch, you really ain’t my boss. Shut.The.Fuck.Up. I don’t want to hear your bitch mouth. Here’s some tissues…stop crying and clean up that discharge cunt!

bitch, bossy, closet, cock, crooked, crying, depends, expensive, horse, mother, paint, pissy, project, Satan, suck, tampon, whiny, willies