Fucking debt collectors…
RantsThere’s nothing worse then debt collectors calling every god damn couple of hours of every god damn day…
I swear, they call more than family, girlfriend, friends, and general other idiots and assholes you never wanna hear from. Hell, I’d rather hear from the idiots and assholes, then the debt collectors…
Usually when they call and ask for me, I just tell them one of the following:
- “Oh, he’s at work. He’s trying to make the money to pay you guys off so you stop fucking annoying the hell out of him with your god damn daily phone calls!”
- I’m sorry, but he’s currently unavailable. He’s outside burning up all those worthless piece of shit letters you’re send him on daily basis.
- I’m sorry, he can’t come to the phone right now. He’s out buying more alcoholic beverages with the money that he should be paying you off with…
- I’m sorry, I’m currently… I mean, he’s currently unavailable at the moment, can I take yet ANOTHER god damn message from you!?!? I mean after all! It’s only been an hour since you last called…
- Hey! It’s YOU again, I haven’t heard from you since yesterday!! How’s the family doing?
- Hi, I’m sorry but Spencer died the other day. He no longer is with us. If you want, I can give you his new number and address. 1-666-666-6666 and his address is: 666 Satan Drive, Hell, 66666. Good luck getting ahold of him.
- Hey there! I’m sorry, but I really don’t give a shit how much I owe you. Oh wait, this is his brother, I’m sorry. Can I take a message?
- You know, you call more than my ex-wife does, when she needs the kids watched? And that’s pretty damn much. My as well just have them signed over to me, and you too! Whoo Hoo!
- You know, rather then spending all this time and money trying to get ahold of ME, why not just wait until I get ahold of you? That way; the debt amount due never goes up, nor will the fucking collection fees.
- Hello again god damn it, how about this; rather than calling for Spencer all the god damn fucking time, why not just move your “firm” into his house!? That way, you don’t have to call and call, or send out repeat letters all the time. You can just wake him up in the morning in his bedroom, and drive him fucking nuts that way!?!? OR, just be around him all the time in general until he commits suicide… then he won’t owe you SHIT!
The other thing I hate though too, is they sometimes “act” like they’re your friend or something…”Hey, is Spencer there? Tell him this is Mike! Remember me?!” I reply… “Wait, who this again? Mike from where?” I swear they’re getting just as smart “trick” wise, than we are!! Fucking god damn bastards!!
Me: If it’s so easy, can you make the first $50.00 payment for me…..? Or give me your credit card or checking acct. info so I can make that first payment…?
OR:
Them: Hello…Mr. Spencer…..I’m calling about a debt that you’ve created in 1999! I was just wondering if you’d like to take care of that today….??
Me: Well…! If you haven’t caught on by now…I really didn’t have any intentions on paying anything on it, especially if it’s from 1999 and haven’t made one single payment since I created the debt in 1999. Now kindly lick my hairy (recently just shaven) nut sack!!
God! I SHOULD get a job as a Debt Collector! Of course, I’d probably end up having to call myself all the time… ah well, at least I’d enjoy a conversation with myself!! Hell, might get better responses and have some actual desire of paying off debts… Ummm, NOT!
Knowing ME, I’d get into the “system” and give myself a ZERO BALANCE! HAHAHAHA! Fuck, I need to get a job at these collection firms… shit! Anyway, I’m out for now… I gotta call the girlfriend and then get to bed so I can wake up to a debt collector calling me at 7 or 8am… FUCK! Tata!
