bastards

AOL’s Point and Speak…

General

A few years ago, I bought that AOL Point and Speak software… Why? Because, it’s every lazy person’s dream! You don’t have to type! You just chat into a stupid microphone and the software types it out for you!

It was SO awesome too! Well, KIND OF awesome anyway. It did SUCK having to go back through EVERYTHING you chatted out into text form and correcting all of the damn fuck-ups it’s done. Well, here’s a few examples I’ve found on some site

I said into the mic: I can’t help falling in love with you
Point & Speak typed: I can’t help fully unload with you

I said into the mic: Amazing grace! how sweet the sound
Point & Speak typed: Amazing grace House sweep the sound

I said into the mic: Britney Spears
Point & Speak typed: Brady Spears (What? Did she have a sex change?)

I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.

I said into the mic: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or Hawaii.
Point & Speak typed: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or why he.

I don’t know how all of those were fucked up, especially if the guy that was talking into the microphone wasn’t drunk!? Or, maybe he was, I’m not sure! Or, perhaps a drunk fuck created the software itself? Nah, because then everything would be typed into a slur…

I said into the mic: Congress has impeached President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Point & Speak typed: Congress has in peach President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monaco whiskey.

I said into the mic: As for our family, we had an eventful year but a lovely Christmas.
Point & Speak typed: As for our family, we had uneventful year bought a lovely Christmas.

I said into the mic: …she is no longer “zoned out”…
Point & Speak typed: …she is no longer sold out…

I said into the mic: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some mouthiness now and then.
Point & Speak typed: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some Month-Ended-Down then.

I said into the mic: …he has moved in with Kathy and commutes to work each day.
Point & Speak typed: …he has moved in with Kathy and commits to work each day.

I said into the mic: Jim and Kathy
Point & Speak typed: GM and Kathy

I said into the mic: Dan & Joyce are okay.
Point & Speak typed: Dan and choice are okay.

I said into the mic: Patrick Ringer is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy it.
Point & Speak typed: Patrick greater is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy at.

I said into the mic: We paid for most of Joe’s orthodontia.
Point & Speak typed: We paid for most of Joe’s Orthodox a.

I said into the mic: We now pay Joe $3 per week in allowance
Point & Speak typed: We now paid Joel $3 per week in allowance

I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.

I said into the mic: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized stuff
Point & Speak typed: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized of

I said into the mic: Go For It!
Point & Speak typed: Goal for it!

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It’s your day off work for fuck sakes! Stay the fuck home!!

Feelings General

There’s nothing that pisses me off worse, then fucking co-workers that come to work on their days off!!

People! It’s your day off work for fuck sakes!! Stay the FUCK HOME!!! STOP COMING TO THE DAMN JOB SITE TO BULLSHIT WITH OTHER SHITTY CO-WORKERS!!!

I’M TRYING TO GET MY FUCKING WORK DONE, I’M ON THE CLOCK, I’M GETTING PAID FOR THE EVENING, I’M DOING A DAMN JOB!! I AIN’T BULLSHITTING WITH OTHER BASTARD CO-WORKERS!!

STAY THE FUCK HOME ASSHOLES!! I don’t come to the job site on my days off and shoot the shit with bastard co-workers where you’re working at, holding you up from doing your shit jobs, so don’t do it to me!!

1.) STAY THE FUCK HOME!!

3.) BUY A DAMN PHONE AND CALL UP THOSE LOSERS AND TALK YOUR EARS OFF!! DRAIN THE BATTERY 600 TIMES A DAY AND NIGHT, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! STAY THE FUCK HOME!!

4.) IF YOU’RE NOT WORKING FOR THE NIGHT, STAY THE FUCK HOME! STOP PREVENTING OTHER PEOPLE FROM GETTING THEIR JOBS DONE!!

5.) BUY SOME BEER, PICK THEM UP, GO OUT DRINKING AND DRIVING ALL NIGHT AND GET INTO AN ACCIDENT AND DIE! JUST STAY THE FUCK HOME! STAY AWAY FROM THE JOB SITE IF YOU AIN’T WORKING FOR THE NIGHT OR DAY! JESUS (FUCKING CHRISTMAS IS OVER THANK GOD) CHRIST!!

Ahhh.. I feel so much better.. [takes a bow to the audience, thank you, thank you!! No really, you shouldn’t!] I’m out.. later!

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The Fuck You’s for today are…

Feelings Rants

1.) FUCK YOU! JUST FUCK OFF AND DIE, YOU RIP OFF THEME DESIGNER BASTARDS!

2.) FUCK YOU! INTERNET!

3.) FUCK YOU SKANKY ASS WHORE-BAGS, LIARS, CHEATERS, USERS, AND MANIPULATING SLUTTY SLUT SLUTS OF THE WORLD!

4.) FUCK YOU! HEAD GAME PLAYERS!

5.) FUCK YOU DOMAINS! YOU’RE TOO MUCH TO MANAGE THESE DAYS! – I THINK I’LL SCRAP A COUPLE OF MINE…FUCK IT!

6.) FUCK YOU, YOU CHEAP BASTARD CUSTOMERS! – THEY WANT EVERYTHING FUCKING FREE AND HANDED ON A SILVER PLATTER FOR NOTHING! TAKE THAT CHEAP ASS OF YOUR’S TO THE FOOD BANKS AND SALVATION ARMY!

7.) FUCK YOU! YOU SNOBBY RICH PREPPY BASTARDS!

8.) FUCK YOU! YOU DESIGN RIPPING AND LEECHING MOTHERFUCKERS!

9.) FUCK YOU! YOU PIECE OF SHIT, MOTHERFUCKING GOD DAMN FUCKITY FUCKING LOTTERY TICKET BUYING OLD PRICKS, THAT JUST HOLD EVERYONE ELSE UP AT THE SHITTY MINI MARTS!

10.) FUCK YOU! ANYONE THAT THINKS THEY ARE BETTER THEN SOMEONE ELSE. REALLY YOU’RE THE PIECE OF SHIT! GO AHEAD AND FLUSH YOURSELVES! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT SHIT ANYWAY!

11.) FUCK YOU! YOU ABUSING BASTARD HUSBANDS! WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED TO A PRINCESS AND HAVE 5 AWESOME WONDERFUL KIDS, ADMIRE IT. LOVE THEM ALL TO DEATH. TREAT HER LIKE THE PRINCESS SHE IS, AND TREAT THE KIDS THE SAME AND 10 TIMES BETTER!

12.) FUCK YOU! ALL YOU NOSY BASTARD MOTHERFUCKERS! IF I WANTED YOU IN MY BUSINESS, I WOULD HAVE INCLUDED YOU FROM THE START! GO STICK YOUR HEAD AND EARS UP SOMEONE ELSE’S ASS!

13.) FUCK YOU! ALL YOU DUMB ASSES IN THE WORDPRESS SUPPORT FORUMS. YOU COULDN’T GET WORDPRESS INSTALLED FOR YOURSELVES, IF WORDPRESS INSTALLED ITSELF FOR YOU. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO SET IT UP, YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO READ MANUALS, READ-ME FILES, AND THE INSTRUCTIONS. YOU JUST NEED TO GET THE HELL OFFLINE AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES! YOUR MIND IS MUSH ANYWAY…FUCK IT!

14.) FUCK YOU CELERITIES! YOUR LIFE IS SHIT LIKE ANY AVERAGE JOE’S IS. THE ONLY THING GOOD IN YOUR LIFE IS THE MONEY, AND EVEN THAT ISN’T WORTH A SHIT! WHY? BECAUSE YOU WASTE IT ON BULLSHIT! SHARE THE WEALTH SNOBBY RICH PREPPY BASTARDS! THERE’S A LOT OF FOLKS OUT THERE THAT REALLY COULD USE THE MONEY YOU’RE WASTING ON BULLSHIT!

15.) FUCK YOU PRESIDENT! AND FUCK ALL THE REST OF THE MONEY HUNGRY BUSINESS MONOPOLIES! IF WE DIDN’T HAVE YOU, THE SHITTY “U.S. OF FUCKIN A” WOULDN’T BE GOING DOWN THE TOILET EVERY FUCKING DAY!

16.) FUCK YOU! GAS AND OIL PRICES! – IF WE DIDN’T HAVE TO SHELL OUT THE SAME AMOUNT IN GAS AND OIL A WEEK TO DRIVE AROUND, AS WE DO ON RENT PAYMENTS A MONTH, THE FAMILIES IN THE SHITTY U.S. OF FUCKIN A WOULD SPEND MORE QUALITY TIMES TOGETHER LIKE THEY DID BACK IN THE DAY!

CAMPING TRIPS ARE DOWN, VACATIONING IS DOWN, THE GENERAL DRIVING AROUND TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE IS DOWN, WELL SHIT, EVERYTHING IS DOWN. EVERYONE JUST STAYS THE FUCK HOME THESE DAYS AND SPENDS THEIR AFTERNOONS ON SHIT VIDEO GAMES! NOT ME THOUGH, I HAVE A SHITTY LIFE! THANKS TO YOU ASSHOLES!!

17.) FUCK YOU JOBS! – WE WOULDN’T ALL HAVE TO WORK SO DAMN FUCKING HARD, IF WE DIDN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR THE HIGH GAS AND OIL PRICES AND SHIT. THE MINIMUM WAGE GOING TO $7.10 IN JULY ISN’T GOING TO AMOUNT FOR SHIT ANYWAY! SORRY ASSHOLES! YOU LOSE! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO RUN THE SHITTY U.S OF FUCKIN A, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE LAWS, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO JUMPING JACK SHIT! STAY HOME AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES, YOUR MIND IS MUSH ANYWAY! FUCK IT!

18.) FUCK YOU RELIGION! – WE WOULDN’T BE HAVING ALL THESE DAMN FUCKING ISSUES, WARS, HASSLES AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE SHITTY WORLD IF WE DIDN’T HAVE RELIGION TO BEGIN WITH!

19.) FUCK YOU! “FRIENDS”, “GIRLFRIENDS”, PARENTS, COWORKERS AND ANYONE ELSE! JUST FUCK OFF, GO FUCK YOURSELVES SILLY ALL THE WAY TO HELL!! NAH, TO HEAVEN…I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU IN HELL WHEN I’M DOWN THERE LIVING IT UP!

20.) LAST BUT NOT LEAST, FUCK YOU TWISTED! – IF YOU HUNG YOURSELF WITH THE UMBILICAL CORD WHILE COMING OUT OF MOM’S TWAT WHEN BORN, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE ABOVE LISTED FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Awww.. I feel so much better now! That’s all, that’s it, no more shit! Time to go to shit work… tata!!

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Nosy bastards, getting in the business..

Bitches Rants

I know this doesn’t just happen in my shitty State of Pennsylvania, but, I fucking hate nosy bastards that love being in other’s business…

There’s nothing like talking with a friend, or whatever the hell, and some nosy ass cunt just has to be there listening. Ya also can’t forget the stretching of the neck to see what you’re doing, or not doing, and blah blah fuckity do blah…

As a follow up on the ex-wife’s husband finding out about us fucking and shit. I think it was because of some nosy cunt that was leaving the place I was working, seen us both together out front… then told her hubby at the store they both work at. She must be one of their customers or some shit.

FUCKING NOSY BITCH! IF I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING, I’D PULL YA ASIDE, FUCK YA, AND THEN TELL YA!! NAH, I’D TELL YA WHILE I WAS FUCKING YA!

JESUS FUCK PEOPLE! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS!! WHEN YOU’RE THERE TALKING TO YOUR NOSY PRICK BASTARD FRIEND’S, I AIN’T THERE PEEKING MY HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS LISTENING IN ON THE BUSINESS…

SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY ASS, DAMN!

My own shit don’t have any room to live now, because nosy bitches are trying to occupy their space… I can just picture it now.. my terds living and sleeping on sidewalks because they homeless..

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