If you dove in without scuba gear that is…Jesus Mc Fucking Christmas Christ, she a big bitch! You’d need to wear a “Lawn and Leaf” garbage bag as condom to dive in it, and even then, she wouldn’t notice anything though…
Although, that depends on the total weight and etc of course. We’d hate to sink a ship with a mother-load like that. But, she’d be perfect for a display case at the local fish shop…
A few years ago, I bought that AOL Point and Speak software… Why? Because, it’s every lazy person’s dream! You don’t have to type! You just chat into a stupid microphone and the software types it out for you!
It was SO awesome too! Well, KIND OF awesome anyway. It did SUCK having to go back through EVERYTHING you chatted out into text form and correcting all of the damn fuck-ups it’s done. Well, here’s a few examples I’ve found on some site…
I said into the mic: I can’t help falling in love with you
Point & Speak typed: I can’t help fully unload with youI said into the mic: Amazing grace! how sweet the sound
Point & Speak typed: Amazing grace House sweep the soundI said into the mic: Britney Spears
Point & Speak typed: Brady Spears (What? Did she have a sex change?)I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.I said into the mic: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or Hawaii.
Point & Speak typed: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or why he.
I don’t know how all of those were fucked up, especially if the guy that was talking into the microphone wasn’t drunk!? Or, maybe he was, I’m not sure! Or, perhaps a drunk fuck created the software itself? Nah, because then everything would be typed into a slur…
I said into the mic: Congress has impeached President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Point & Speak typed: Congress has in peach President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monaco whiskey.I said into the mic: As for our family, we had an eventful year but a lovely Christmas.
Point & Speak typed: As for our family, we had uneventful year bought a lovely Christmas.I said into the mic: …she is no longer “zoned out”…
Point & Speak typed: …she is no longer sold out…I said into the mic: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some mouthiness now and then.
Point & Speak typed: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some Month-Ended-Down then.I said into the mic: …he has moved in with Kathy and commutes to work each day.
Point & Speak typed: …he has moved in with Kathy and commits to work each day.
I said into the mic: Jim and Kathy
Point & Speak typed: GM and KathyI said into the mic: Dan & Joyce are okay.
Point & Speak typed: Dan and choice are okay.I said into the mic: Patrick Ringer is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy it.
Point & Speak typed: Patrick greater is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy at.I said into the mic: We paid for most of Joe’s orthodontia.
Point & Speak typed: We paid for most of Joe’s Orthodox a.I said into the mic: We now pay Joe $3 per week in allowance
Point & Speak typed: We now paid Joel $3 per week in allowanceI said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.I said into the mic: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized stuff
Point & Speak typed: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized ofI said into the mic: Go For It!
Point & Speak typed: Goal for it!
It’s that time again people, time for another version of a nursery rhyme Twisted style! Sing it people!
Knick, Knack, Paddy Whack (Miss Jackie Is Fat, Ugly, And Needs A Smack)…
This fat ugly sow, she played two, she played knick knack while eating her poo. Ew Ewww… With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
This cattle fucking slut, she played four, she played knick knack while dressed up like a stable whore standing at the stable door. With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
This ugly whore bag bitch, she played six, she played knick knack while fucking huge ass elephant dicks. With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
This vomit equivalent ugly ass bitch, she played eight, she played knick knack while tied up at the front gate. With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
This sick bitch, she played ten, she played knick knack while dry humping “Big Ben”. With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
This pussy stinking big bitch, she played eleven, she played knick knack down below in hell because even if Jesus was drunk he wouldn’t let her in Heaven. With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
This acne and pimple infested ugly sow, she played twelve, she played knick knack while eating all junk food from the grocery store shelves. With a knick, knack, paddy whack, Give the big ugly ass bitch a bone; This fucking cunt couldn’t give a man a measly hard-on.
Well, that’s all folks! More Twisted style Nursery Rhymes coming later… Here’s the link to the original version of the Nursery Rhyme…
This was originally posted Dec 2, 3007… Just wanted to bring back some old laughs.
From suffocation that is…Jesus Mc Fucking Christmas Christ, she a big bitch! You’d need to wear a “Lawn and Leaf” garbage bag and dive in it, in order for her to feel anything…
Bashmyex.com Bash Quote: “The whore lives in parkersburg WV.She will do anything to get a man .espicially with her mommy’s help.Dont let the pic fool ya.If ya meet her she will give ya some ass (again prolly with mommy’s help) but be warned.bring protection-for your wallet and ur dick”
This is basically a Bashmyex.com bash, mirrored over here on VB
I know this doesn’t just happen in my shitty State of Pennsylvania, but, I fucking hate nosy bastards that love being in other’s business…
There’s nothing like talking with a friend, or whatever the hell, and some nosy ass cunt just has to be there listening. Ya also can’t forget the stretching of the neck to see what you’re doing, or not doing, and blah blah fuckity do blah…
As a follow up on the ex-wife’s husband finding out about us fucking and shit. I think it was because of some nosy cunt that was leaving the place I was working, seen us both together out front… then told her hubby at the store they both work at. She must be one of their customers or some shit.
FUCKING NOSY BITCH! IF I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING, I’D PULL YA ASIDE, FUCK YA, AND THEN TELL YA!! NAH, I’D TELL YA WHILE I WAS FUCKING YA!
JESUS FUCK PEOPLE! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS!! WHEN YOU’RE THERE TALKING TO YOUR NOSY PRICK BASTARD FRIEND’S, I AIN’T THERE PEEKING MY HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS LISTENING IN ON THE BUSINESS…
SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY ASS, DAMN!
My own shit don’t have any room to live now, because nosy bitches are trying to occupy their space… I can just picture it now.. my terds living and sleeping on sidewalks because they homeless..
JESUS FUCK! THIS ONE’S HUGE!
Ok folks, it’s that time again! ADD A CAPTION!
GO!
SOOPED UP METAL DETECTOR! This would be so fucking awesome! I wouldn’t mind having one myself! To just get a case a beer and have a sooped up metal detector. Stroll through the park, peoples yards or whatever.
My idea is….to have a metal detector with a super powerful magnet built right in to it! This way when you go across the park or whatever and it starts beeping, no matter how far down the coin, ring or whatever is….you could just kick on the super powerful magnet and it comes up to the metal detector! NO DIGGING AND BENDING OVER REQUIRED!
This would also be awesome for the cops to use when searching for dead bodies that are buried or whatever. Anything metal like on the body, such as the buttons on their jeans or clothing that has metal on it, would be brought right up to them! They wouldn’t have to dig! Just crank on the super magnet and the body comes up to them!
DAMN! I WANT ONE! Could you imagine how much shit you could find with it!? Jesus! And the cool part about the magnet would be…..silence! You could be in someone’s yard and find their rings, expensive shit….and they wouldn’t even know you found anything! Turn the beeper down to lowest setting and go! Plus with the super powerful magnet there, you wouldn’t make a scene because you don’t have to dig! They could even walk up to you and ask if you found something, and you could just say NOPE! NOT A DAMN THING! And walk away with a $1,200.00 ring while it’s still attached to the bottom of the detector. How would they know!?
I HOPE SOMEONE MAKES THIS UP SOON! I WANT ONE! I’m done for now….I might update this post later….
Twisted
