love

All talk, no walk…

Bitches It Is Said Rants
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Basically the title says it. People are pansy fucks, they’re all talk, no walk… They say they’ll do something, yet don’t do it. Really must be nice to be hypocrite, and talking of wonders, only really to be so full of shit in the end anyway. I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for you then too. Fuck you, fuck this, fuck that, and fuck everything you’re about. I’m done, and gone. You’re gone. Accept it, and love it, you wouldn’t give a fuck anyway! Haha! Keep stepping fuckers… Talk walkers, walking in reverse. Walk back into that mac truck going 60mph fuckers… You’re done, you’re gone. Pussies.

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AOL’s Point and Speak…

General
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A few years ago, I bought that AOL Point and Speak software… Why? Because, it’s every lazy person’s dream! You don’t have to type! You just chat into a stupid microphone and the software types it out for you!

It was SO awesome too! Well, KIND OF awesome anyway. It did SUCK having to go back through EVERYTHING you chatted out into text form and correcting all of the damn fuck-ups it’s done. Well, here’s a few examples I’ve found on some site…

I said into the mic: I can’t help falling in love with you
Point & Speak typed: I can’t help fully unload with you

I said into the mic: Amazing grace! how sweet the sound
Point & Speak typed: Amazing grace House sweep the sound

I said into the mic: Britney Spears
Point & Speak typed: Brady Spears (What? Did she have a sex change?)

I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.

I said into the mic: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or Hawaii.
Point & Speak typed: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or why he.

I don’t know how all of those were fucked up, especially if the guy that was talking into the microphone wasn’t drunk!? Or, maybe he was, I’m not sure! Or, perhaps a drunk fuck created the software itself? Nah, because then everything would be typed into a slur…

I said into the mic: Congress has impeached President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Point & Speak typed: Congress has in peach President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monaco whiskey.

I said into the mic: As for our family, we had an eventful year but a lovely Christmas.
Point & Speak typed: As for our family, we had uneventful year bought a lovely Christmas.

I said into the mic: …she is no longer “zoned out”…
Point & Speak typed: …she is no longer sold out…

I said into the mic: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some mouthiness now and then.
Point & Speak typed: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some Month-Ended-Down then.

I said into the mic: …he has moved in with Kathy and commutes to work each day.
Point & Speak typed: …he has moved in with Kathy and commits to work each day.

I said into the mic: Jim and Kathy
Point & Speak typed: GM and Kathy

I said into the mic: Dan & Joyce are okay.
Point & Speak typed: Dan and choice are okay.

I said into the mic: Patrick Ringer is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy it.
Point & Speak typed: Patrick greater is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy at.

I said into the mic: We paid for most of Joe’s orthodontia.
Point & Speak typed: We paid for most of Joe’s Orthodox a.

I said into the mic: We now pay Joe $3 per week in allowance
Point & Speak typed: We now paid Joel $3 per week in allowance

I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.

I said into the mic: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized stuff
Point & Speak typed: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized of

I said into the mic: Go For It!
Point & Speak typed: Goal for it!

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Something interesting for you…

General
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Ya just have to LOVE emails like this, they just beg to be made fun of!

Here’s the email below, then below that is going to be snippets of it including my responses to each part…

Subject Title: Something interesting for you

You want to forget about your sexual troubles?

You dont know how? Here a recipe for you….

The recipe is on the site:
wetiues.com

Best regards and have a perfect nights

“You want to forget about your sexual troubles?”

Sometimes I want to forget the sexual troubles, but then again…there really isn’t any troubles. Well, the only main trouble is, having the ALONE TIME together to do anything… Yes, that does suck… I’d like to forget about THAT, but it’s not possible. Ah well, some day the “Alone Time” will be there…

“You dont know how?”

Of course I know HOW, just ask your wife or daughter… they’ll tell ya!

“Here a recipe for you….

The recipe is on the site:
wetiues.com”

Uh, no thanks! I really don’t NEED a recipe for “it”… I do up my OWN recipes for this kind of things.. thanks anyway fuck-face!

“Best regards and have a perfect nights”

Don’t worry spammer bastard, once I get my own place, every night will be a perfect night…

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It appears that I have a pissed off, jealous piece of Asian shit “fan”….

General Rants
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That’s trying to sound like me, and be just like me, but can’t be me, because they an Asian Piece of shit…

I’ve been getting a few of these related shit comments lately…

Author : UMNO (IP: 67.159.44.138 , .)
E-mail : pervertsuck @ pleasedie . com
URI :
Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=67.159.44.138
Comment:
DO US A GOOD DEED, AND STUCK A FUCKING FIRECRACKER UP YOUR ASS THIS 4TH OF JULY AND DIE YOU SICK DISGUSTING PERVERT UGLY BRANDI DONT LOVE YOU NASTY ASS HOE U NEED TO DATE BETTER PEOPLE SICKO

I’m sorry, but it just screams ASIAN MIKE THE DYKE! And even if it wasn’t, this is still funny as hell, so fuck it. Don’t like it, my balls need washed, start licking…

You know why, because:

1.) Daniel wouldn’t diss on Brandy like that.
2.) Mike The Asian Dyke would do it, because I posted smack on him already, and since Brandy wouldn’t take him back as a real BF ever again, he’s jealous and pissed off about it.

Listen here Asian blowfish bitch, FACE THE FACTS.

1.) YOU LOST HER TO ME! YOU’LL ALWAYS LOSE BECAUSE YOU’RE NOTHING BUT AN ASIAN DOUCHE BAG WITH A SMALL PECKER JOHNSON! I KNOW IT’S UPSETTING, BUT GET SOME THERAPY!

I’D HATE FOR YOU TO TURN INTO ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE VIRGINA TECH NUT JOBS, GOING AROUND KILLING PEOPLE CAUSE YOU MENTALLY FUCKED UP, AND CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

2.) I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU HEARD THAT SHE DON’T LOVE ME. I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT, SHE STILL DOES “LOVE” ME. AND TOLD ME SO ON LIVE MESSENGER OTHER NIGHT. GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU LOST, YOU’LL ALWAYS LOSE! YOU’LL NEVER BE “LOVED” BY HER LIKE SHE DOES ME! SORRY!

3.) I DON’T KNOW WHERE THIS PERVERT REMARK IS COMING FROM…? I’M STARTING TO THINK IT’S THE JEALOUSY THING AGAIN? PERHAPS IT’S BECAUSE SHE FLASHED HER BREASTS TO ME ON LIVE MESSENGER CAM, AND TEASED ME WITH HER FEET ON CAM? AND HASN’T DONE ANY OF THAT FOR YOU!

HEY, SHE KNOWS I HAVE A LITTLE FOOT FETISH (WHICH IS PERFECTLY FINE TO HAVE, AND IT’S NOT PERVERTED. TONS OF PEOPLE ARE INTO IT.), AND I CAN’T HELP IT SHE’S SHOWING THEM OFF TO ME! JEALOUS MUCH?

4.) I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEONE AS UGLY AS YOUR(SLANTED EYES)SELF WOULD BE CALLING BRANDY UGLY? HELL! YOU WERE E-DATING HER TOO!?!?

SERIOUSLY, I THINK IT’S HIGH TIME YOU GOT OVER THE FACT THAT YOU LOST HER TO ME, AFTER THAT YEAR YOU TWO WERE “E-DATING”! IT’S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUNNY THOUGH, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

YOU TWO WERE E-DATING FOR A YEAR OR WHATEVER, AND LITTLE OLD ME CAME ALONG AND TOOK HER FROM YOU IN A SHORT TIME. AND SHE AND I WERE ONLY TALKING FOR A FEW WEEKS, TO A MONTH, AND YOU WERE JUST TOTALLY DITCHED!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! YOU LOSER!!!!!!!! YOU USELESS PIECE OF ASIAN SHIT!!!!!!! TRY DATING A RELATIVE?

5.) “STUCK A FIRECRACKER UP YOUR ASS”? ISN’T THAT SUPPOSED TO READ, “STICK A FIRECRACKER UP YOUR ASS”? FUCKING DUMB ASS, LEARN HOW TO MAKE CORRECT SENTENCES.

I ADMIT THAT MY SPELLING AND USE OF GRAMMAR SUCKS, BUT AT LEAST I TRY AND FIX THE ERRORS. PERHAPS “HOOKED ON PHONICS” WILL HELP YOU?

6.) AS FOR THE FIRECRACKER REMARK. I’M SORRY, BUT SINCE I’M ON PROBATION I’M NOT ALLOWED AROUND THAT KIND OF SHIT. SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU!

BUT SINCE I CAN’T DO THAT FOR YOU, HOW ABOUT YOU DO THIS FOR ALL US FULL BLOODED AMERICANS INSTEAD!

– GO BACK TO YOUR ASIAN PIECE OF SHIT HOMELAND, AND BLOW YOURSELF UP WITH AN A-BOMB BITCH! SIT ON IT, ROTATE, AND COUNT DOWN FROM 8…7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

BA BOOM! THERE GOES THE ASIAN SHITS IN THAT SHIT FILLED MUSHROOM (CLOUD)….

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By the way fuck faces, whoever was using that proxy IP address, is now blocked from this site. And any IP address that starts with the first three digits of it, is banned as well.

FUCK YOU! FUCK OFF! FUCK YOURSELF TO HELL! I’m done with this shit, later…

P.S. AND ANYONE ELSE LEAVING SHITTY ASS COMMENTS LIKE THAT, WILL HAVE THEIR IP ADDRESSES BANNED AND BLOCKED TOO!

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Nosy bastards, getting in the business..

Bitches Rants
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I know this doesn’t just happen in my shitty State of Pennsylvania, but, I fucking hate nosy bastards that love being in other’s business…

There’s nothing like talking with a friend, or whatever the hell, and some nosy ass cunt just has to be there listening. Ya also can’t forget the stretching of the neck to see what you’re doing, or not doing, and blah blah fuckity do blah…

As a follow up on the ex-wife’s husband finding out about us fucking and shit. I think it was because of some nosy cunt that was leaving the place I was working, seen us both together out front… then told her hubby at the store they both work at. She must be one of their customers or some shit.

FUCKING NOSY BITCH! IF I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING, I’D PULL YA ASIDE, FUCK YA, AND THEN TELL YA!! NAH, I’D TELL YA WHILE I WAS FUCKING YA!

JESUS FUCK PEOPLE! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS!! WHEN YOU’RE THERE TALKING TO YOUR NOSY PRICK BASTARD FRIEND’S, I AIN’T THERE PEEKING MY HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS LISTENING IN ON THE BUSINESS…

SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY ASS, DAMN!

My own shit don’t have any room to live now, because nosy bitches are trying to occupy their space… I can just picture it now.. my terds living and sleeping on sidewalks because they homeless..

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A MOUTH ONLY A COCK WOULD LOVE…

Bitches
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“You” wouldn’t have to worry about drag marks, or deep gouges. Open up wider Krystole, I mean toothless.. in cums a cock!

Krystole the wonder stealer!

While browsing online, it’s amazing the shit you can find on people.. If I was this chick waking up every fucking morning, and had to look at this face in the damn mirror, that’s if it didn’t break first though! I’d probably want to commit suicide..

No, scratch that! I’d probably want to do one of the following things first though! (Krystole’s thoughts of course!)

1.) Rather then spend waste all damn day and night fixing my pictures with Photoshop, I could just shave down a few Chicklets and super glue them where needed..

2.) If the Chicklets method didn’t work, then I would probably go through the public welfare system! Hey! Even though I don’t deserve to be on it to begin with, I wouldn’t care!

I would just use my Medical Assistance card at the nearest dentist for a major overhaul on the teeth! The total cost might come to around $2,000.00 dollars or so, but, I wouldn’t have to pay it! All you hard working folks would have too!

3.) If the above two things failed, which it probably would because I’m a dumbass like that like, I could always just ask one of the chicks in which I steal site layouts, pictures, and other shit from, to punch me in the fucking mouth a few times until the rest of the teeth fell out!

Hey! No teeth would better than what I have now right!?!

P.S. After taking a look at that picture again, I don’t even think a horse that bathed in cow shit three times would want a blow job from her..

I can just picture it now, while she’s down there trying to give the horse a knob job.. it back kicks her in the face knocking out the rest of those brown teeth.. and then runs off to the farmer holding a shotgun..

(Please note: I did NOT get this image myself, from any of this person’s site(s), I got it through other sources! If you don’t like it, my balls need washed, start licking bitches!)

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Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!

Twisted Jokes
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Well! I made these twisted messages up that someone would get when calling your cell phone all the damn time driving you nuts! JUST LIKE MY BRO DID TO ME! DROVE ME FUCKIN NUTS! He inspired me to do these lmao!

Ring!….Ring!…..Ring!!!

1) Hello..? I can’t answer the phone the right now….I’m either doing your wife, daughter or girlfriend at the moment. Please try back in about 12 hours….or if you want…just leave a message.

2) Hello…? O it’s you!!!! I haven’t heard a message from you in 5 seconds…. well considering I haven’t answered the phone 5 seconds ago or had returned your call…there a good chance I wouldn’t be this time either….please don’t leave another message for atleast 8 hours…

3) Hello…? Knock Knock… (Who’s there?) No ones here no ones any where….Please don’t leave a fucking message god damn it….

4) Hello..? You have reached Spencer’s Beer Tasting Department…If you would like me to sample beer for you for quality assurance….please leave a message letting me know when your bringing a case over for me to try….thanks for your time..

5) Hello! Hello! God damn reception sucks…..It’s staticy….please leave a message…

6) I knew it!…. I knew it!…. I knew it!… Would be you!…I’m a pyshic motherfucker!

7) O God!….You again!!!!… I thought I told you not to call and leave messages cause I hardly ever get on this phone anymore. So please don’t leave a message….have a nice day.

8) There is a 101 things I could be doing, but obviously answering this phone isn’t one of them…please leave a message if you must!

9) Hello..(sigh) Figures, everytime Im trying to wack off for a 6 or 8 hour session…someone calls to bug me…leave a message if you’d like….I probably won’t reply though for atleast another 12 hours though.

10) O God!… Incoming!!!…Everybody duck!!!

11) Hello! I’m sorry…all those damn messages drove me to an institute, please don’t leave a message god damn it.!

12) Hello!…Hey!…It’s you!…I haven’t heard a message or talked to you in 5 minutes…you know the drill by now! Goodbye you determined to bug others…motherfuckers!

13) Hey!…You just called a second ago, come on now!!! You can’t be that desperate, deprived or in-love…I’m not gay remember…!!!!???

14) I’ll call you back when I’m done doing your girlfriend, wife or daughter…have a nice rest of the day.

15) Buuurrrrrpppp!

16) If your just going to talk shit then so can I….goodbye!!

17) I’m probably wiping my ass at this time, but I’ll call you back when I’m done.

18) Hello!..Hello!….O damn!……You’re breaking up!….Can’t hear you!….click!…click!….

19) Hello!….If you want phone sex-press 1…If you want to make passionate love and crazy circus sex-press 2….for all other iquires press 3…

20) Hello!….O God!…The Human Alarm Clock!..And I thought the alarm clock in my bedroom was annoying.

21) Hello!..It’s people like you that makes people change their numbers 400 times in a month…

22) Hello! You have reached the D.M.V…the next avaible rep will be with you within the next year… (hint..hint..don’t bother leaving a message or calling again.)

23) Hello!.. You’ve reached Spencer’s Adult World!…If you need a specific toy or movie, please leave a message. If you just want my dick, I’ll get back to you faster!

24) Hello!…If you could or would donate some…money or beer towards all those damn minutes being used up on my phone for the bullshit messages you leave, that would be great!!

25) Hello! A message every 5 fucking seconds, takes Spencer’s minutes he doesn’t have to start with, away…..!!

26) Hello!…If your fetish is smelling stinky..butt ugly feet, please leave a fucking message after the fucking beep!

27) Hello!… I’m in the middle of commiting adultery, please call back later…. like 6 hours, no wait…I’ll still be doing it then to, better make it 12 hours…

28) Hello!… I didn’t think I was that important to start with for you to call me…..hold on a second..let me write this down on the calender.

29) Hey it’s you!…It’s obvious that I didn’t want to speak to you from the start! So please don’t bother leaving any messages…it’s a waste of your time and mine!… Have a great day good buddy that I never call back

30) Hello!…O it’s you!….you must want something from me….that’s the only reason you call for! Well…I don’t have any money, cigarettes or beer…so I guess I’ll hear from you again my next pay day. Well..wait…I do have a cock, if you want some of that then leave a message…!!

31) I knew it!….I knew it!!…..I knew it!!!…..Would be you!…You pain in the ass motherfucker!!……Just can’t leave me alone can you!!???

32) Warning!!….Warning!!…..Message Overload!!!……..System is going to self-destruct in 10 Seconds!! 10! 9! 8! 7! 6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

33) Anymore god damn calls from you and Verizon Wireless is going to have to shut down their system for the world, just for you calling me like you do!!

34) I’m not even going to have to make up a smart ass voice message for people anymore, after all the damn calls, my phone is going to start speaking and fending for itself.

35) Thanks to you I had to go to the hospital for ear surgery…..!!!!

36) Hello!!??……..Goodbye!!!!!

37) 20,000 messages is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get and you never know how to stop them from coming….

38) What City..???……………What State….????……..What Listing…??? Sorry…we didn’t understand that listing……please hold for an operator……..

39) Hey!!!! Some people were born with a phone attached to their ear’s, but not me!!!!!

40) Hello!……Sorry!…..Im just to lazy to answer the phone & check my messages…If you want, leave one anyways…..I might get back to you in about 4 years though…..when I finally have enough money to hire a secretary.

41) I have fallen and I can’t get up!! I’m trying to get to the phone but it’s out of reach…..damn!….this fall took alot out of me……..wait…..I think I’m having a heart attack now! You bastard!! All this for your bugging ass!!!!

42) Hello!…..Our specials today are!…….no more god damn fucking messages!!!! -2 for the price of -1

43) Hold on a minute!! I’m trying to burn down your house with you in it at this time….call back when the flames
engulf you…

44) Hello!!…….O God!!!…..What do you want now for Christ’s Sakes!!!

45) [TOILET FLUSHING]……Ok!… now you can you leave your shit! (I am currently using this one LOL!!)

Welp! That’s enough for now, I’ll add some more later when I can come with them lmao!! Tata for now….

Twisted

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