lazy

Summer Time…

Feelings General Rants

Ah yes, the time for spending time with family you don’t really give a shit about anyway, and you gotta do things you don’t wanna do… Not to mention having to do more work around the house that you rather not do, and last but not least, family reunion picnics and shit.

It’s the season of the workers, it’s the season that separates the lazies from the doers. God I love summer, but fuck do I hate to work all the time. I’m far from being Mr. Fatness, but … I’m still just Mr. Lazy Fuck. If the economy wasn’t so shitty, and I could actually get a job again, I’d be doing stuff for money. But why bother?

Then employers wonder why, they get shitty and lazy workers? Come on! You’re setting the example yourselves!! You lazy fucks! Let’s face it though, most are lazy through any season! But the bottom line is, employers are more lazy then the workers they hire to start with! They’re fucking hypocrites! God Damn Motherfuckers!

Fuck the Govt, fuck Obama, fuck employers, fuck Obama’s Health Care shit, fuck summer, fuck insurance, fuck internet bullshit, fuck freelancing (you’re screwed anyway), fuck anything you know, fuck anything you don’t know but want too, fuck the economy, fuck schooling, fuck parents, fuck grandparents, fuck “friends”, fuck slanderous bitches (making shit up, blaming you for doing something you ain’t done), fuck the seasons and the changes, fuck it all! Just wait till the shit hits the fan, then fuck that too. Boo Hoo. I’m out.

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AOL’s Point and Speak…

General

A few years ago, I bought that AOL Point and Speak software… Why? Because, it’s every lazy person’s dream! You don’t have to type! You just chat into a stupid microphone and the software types it out for you!

It was SO awesome too! Well, KIND OF awesome anyway. It did SUCK having to go back through EVERYTHING you chatted out into text form and correcting all of the damn fuck-ups it’s done. Well, here’s a few examples I’ve found on some site

I said into the mic: I can’t help falling in love with you
Point & Speak typed: I can’t help fully unload with you

I said into the mic: Amazing grace! how sweet the sound
Point & Speak typed: Amazing grace House sweep the sound

I said into the mic: Britney Spears
Point & Speak typed: Brady Spears (What? Did she have a sex change?)

I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.

I said into the mic: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or Hawaii.
Point & Speak typed: …we’ve talked about taking a trip… possibly Jamaica, Florida or why he.

I don’t know how all of those were fucked up, especially if the guy that was talking into the microphone wasn’t drunk!? Or, maybe he was, I’m not sure! Or, perhaps a drunk fuck created the software itself? Nah, because then everything would be typed into a slur…

I said into the mic: Congress has impeached President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Point & Speak typed: Congress has in peach President Bill Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice in the matter of his affair with White House intern Monaco whiskey.

I said into the mic: As for our family, we had an eventful year but a lovely Christmas.
Point & Speak typed: As for our family, we had uneventful year bought a lovely Christmas.

I said into the mic: …she is no longer “zoned out”…
Point & Speak typed: …she is no longer sold out…

I said into the mic: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some mouthiness now and then.
Point & Speak typed: As for his behavior, it’s typical for a nine-year-old except for some Month-Ended-Down then.

I said into the mic: …he has moved in with Kathy and commutes to work each day.
Point & Speak typed: …he has moved in with Kathy and commits to work each day.

I said into the mic: Jim and Kathy
Point & Speak typed: GM and Kathy

I said into the mic: Dan & Joyce are okay.
Point & Speak typed: Dan and choice are okay.

I said into the mic: Patrick Ringer is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy it.
Point & Speak typed: Patrick greater is selling Marie’s house. Patti may buy at.

I said into the mic: We paid for most of Joe’s orthodontia.
Point & Speak typed: We paid for most of Joe’s Orthodox a.

I said into the mic: We now pay Joe $3 per week in allowance
Point & Speak typed: We now paid Joel $3 per week in allowance

I said into the mic: Then we will be debt-free!
Point & Speak typed: Then we will be dead free.

I said into the mic: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized stuff
Point & Speak typed: …empty tote boxes waiting to be filled with organized of

I said into the mic: Go For It!
Point & Speak typed: Goal for it!

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YMCA Memberships are constantly on the up and up at work…

General

I started working there a year ago, and back then the memberships never really climbed at all. It was usually the same damn members day in and day out… but lately, wow… they are really on the up and up…

What’s funny, but yet sad, is that most of the NEW members aren’t fat ass slobs! They’re just normal sized folks, wanting to stay fit, slim, and to just build up some muscles…

I guess it’s just fair to say that the fat fucks don’t really need to come to the YMCA to work-out or whatever, climbing out of bed in the mornings is about the same equivalent as daily work-out at the YMCA…

But, here a couple suggestions anyway though:

  1. Stay away from the junk food and TVs 24-fucking-7! Sure, getting out of bed is an exercise for ya, but ya ruin it for yourselves when entering the living-rooms and kitchens…The refrigerators, cupboards, video games, and TVs constantly calling your names and shit… “Hey fatty, come here… I got something goooood for youuuuu… ” God damn lazy fat fucks.
  2. Maybe you SHOULD try working out at the YMCA! I don’t really think that daily exercise of crawling out of bed in the morning is working too good. It might actually help you lose a few ounces more a day than the current exercise technique.
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Shaving Is A Bitch….

Rants

EVERY GOD DAMN DAY MY FACE NEEDS SHAVED AND IT PISSES ME OFF!

I wish the god damn hair on the top of my head grew as fast as my damn facial hair… jesus! Most of the time I shave my face right before work….and it seems like by the time I get home after an awesome 4.5 hour day at work, my face looks like a damn RAIN FOREST or JUNGLE!

Sometimes I think about using NADS-THE FACE REMOVER to take care of the problem…but, then I also think that I won’t have enough money to cover the plastic surgery bill, because my shitty job sucks ass! 

I NEED SOMETHING THAT REMOVES HAIR FOR GOOD! THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING OUT THERE! IT’S GOOGLE TIME! I’M A LAZY BASTARD AND I DON’T WANNA SHAVE NO MORE!

Do you know how much more time you’d save a day if you didn’t have to shave anymore!? It’s like 10 to 20 mintues a day!!! And I hate them damn lying NORELCO shaver maker bastards to! The old LIFT AND CUT TECHNOLOGY IS A BUNCH OF LIFT AND SHIT TECHNOLOGY!

If it was lifting anything….I didn’t notice! I WAS RUNNING THE SHAVER ACROSS MY FACE FOR 20 MINUTES ONE DAY AND IT DIDN’T LIFT AND CUT SHIT! IT MADE MY SKIN ALL RASHY AND SHIT AND IT ITCHED! SOME SPOTS IT CUT ME!

YOU CAN TAKE THE LIFT AND CUT AND LIFT AND CUT YOUR COCK AND BALLS YOU NORELCO BASTARDS! DAMN! I’m done…I gotta go cut my face all to hell with a $50.00 piece of shit NORELCO – LIFT AND RIP SHAVER!

Twisted

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Mowing the grass is a pain in the Ass!

Rants

MOWING THE GRASS IS A BIG PAIN IN THE ASS!

It seems like every 2 to 3 days you have to get out the fucking lawn mowers and waste all that $2.00 a gallon of gas just to mow the damn grass!

IT WOULD BE NICE IF IT DIDN’T FUCKING RAIN ALL THE DAMN TIME! JESUS! The god damn grass just keeps growing and growing and shit, you can’t even have a break from mowing the stupid lawn! Before too long I’ll be having to mow the grass in my sleep! Wake up with grass stains and clippings all over the place!

I just wish someone would invent the ultimate grass cutter or leveler! I hope in the future like anything else you can buy that makes your life easier, they would invent the DIAL THE GRASS, or THE LAWN LEVELER! This would be fucking awesome, because…all you’d have to do is some how install a main control panel inside your home and turn a dial or push a button and the grass just lowers under the ground!

You could have a level system to! Just put it on height level of 3 and push the button or turn the dial till the grass goes under the ground to suit your liking! DAMN! I would love it! The products selling motto (slogan) would be like some of the following I made up below here:

1) Don’t let the grass kick your ass! buy the DIAL THE GRASS!

2) Now you can kick the grass’s ass by using DIAL THE GRASS!

3) Don’t be a dumbass, buy DIAL THE GRASS!

4) Save your gas by buying DIAL THE GRASS!

Shit! I think it would awesome! I can’t wait for someone to make this up some day. I think it will be to, because everyone is about being LAZY! Even with taking care of the lawn. These days even the lawn-care products are making life easier for everyone! I dunno, I’m going to think of a way to make this possible and if I come up with something, I’ll share it with you! Well! I’m done…I gotta go mow the fucking lawn again! Laterz!

(Please note: I’m sure I’m going to have Robbie replying to this post or some other dumbass that thinks they know everything about anything! Please save your breath and keep your fucking mouth shut! I know what you could do, come mow my grass so I don’t have to!)

Twisted

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